Edith chews her lip before nodding. “O-okay.”
Her touch is soothing as I turn to face my mother and Nils. I brace myself for the words that I know are coming.
The words that still haunt me to this day.
“I’m not going anywhere,”I hear myself say. “Damn it, Nils. Why did you have to tell Mom? This is all your fault. If you weren’t so argr, we could still be a family.”
Hot shame fills me. I didn’t realize it then, but I was repeating Father’s words. There’s no excuse for it. Some things should never be said.
I watch the hurt spread across Nils’s face. The shock on my mother’s. The sight is already seared into my mind.
“Nils isn’t the problem. Your father is.”Mother hesitates a moment before adding,“And you’re more like him than I realized.”
They turn away from me and open the door.
As they leave, I start to shout.“Don’t.”Each word grows more and more desperate.“Don’t go!”
But it’s too late. The door slams shut behind them.
They’re already gone.
I tighten my grip on Edith’s hand, reminding myself this is merely a memory.
Except… this time, I’ll have to open the door.
I’ll have to follow them.
I’ll have to see what would have happened if I had chosen them instead of Father. How different my life would be now if I’d spent these past five years with them. It seems far too cruel. I can think of no worse punishment than knowing what could have been.
I stare down the closed door. I have to.
Or else I’ll die here, trapped. And not just me. So will Edith.
Focusing my breathing, I reach for the doorknob with my free hand.
I open the door.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONEEDITH
The cold air stings as Amund leads me outside and lets go of my hand. My eyes fly open. Relief washes over me as I look around the abandoned seer campus.
I turn to Amund, laughing. “It worked.”
“It did,” he says, the words thick.
Guilt pulls my stomach. I have no idea what he had to face for us to leave. If it’s anything like mine, it couldn’t have been easy. Even if it meant being trapped there forever, I don’t know if I could’ve brought myself to open that door again.
But he was able to face his.
I look up at Amund, searching his face. “Thank you.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks. “It’s nothing.”
He’s quiet, less hostile than before. He just seems… sad.
Amund starts walking toward the central campus. “I’ll take you back to your dorm.”
Sighing, I join him. “Fine.”
