“Luckily for you, I carry around a first aid kit,” Nils says, removing a bag from his backpack. He hesitates a moment. “May I?”
When I nod, Nils gently cleans my wounds. “I’m sorry, you hurt yourself because of me. You didn’t have to get mad on my behalf. Really.”
“Of course I did,” I tell him, and I mean it. “What Dorian was saying is bullshit.”
“I’m used to it.” Nils starts slowly wrapping gauze around my palm. He won’t even look at me. “Dorian has been calling me that since Ibecame a witch. That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is my dad used to call me it too.”
“What?”I ask, unable to hide my surprise. “Yourdadtalks to you like that?”
“He’s done a lot worse,” Nils admits quietly.
My stomach sinks. I stare at the gauze as he wraps it around my other palm once. Twice. He seems familiar with treating injuries, like he’s done this a lot. I hate his dad for ever hurting him.
Almost as much as I hate my own.
“My dad wanted both his sons to be hunters like him,” Nils continues while tending to me. “But I’m not strong or fast or violent enough. It didn’t matter how good I was at magic. Dad didn’t give a shit aboutthat. I could never live up to his expectations.” He frowns. “Not like Amund.”
I press my lips together. I know all too well what that feels like, albeit for different reasons. Bea is everything Jim and Patricia could want in a daughter. She fits in so easily wherever she goes, in ways I never could. She’s perfect without even trying, unlike me.
“It was hard growing up,” Nils continues. “Knowing I was never good enough. Feeling like I had to earn his love. But no matter how hard I tried, or what I achieved, he always shunned me. He always made me feel worthless. For a long time, I believed I was.”
“I’m sorry,” I finally manage to say. “You deserved better.”
His fingers rest on my skin. “Thank you, Edith.”
When I look up, Nils is gazing at me intently. He’s looking at me like he’s seeing me for the first time.
The bell chimes, too loud in my ears.
I clear my throat. “Should we go find Irina?”
“Yeah. Good idea.” Nils sounds a little disappointed, but I can’t figure out why.
Once he tucks the first aid kit away in his backpack, we leave theauditorium behind us and head outside. Rain drizzles from a gray sky, and plenty of students rush to their extracurriculars or the dining hall.
“I forgot my umbrella.”
Nils whips an umbrella out from his backpack. “Then it’s a good thing I didn’t.”
“Jeez, you’re prepared for everything, aren’t you?” A laugh escapes me. I’m grateful for it as I join him under his umbrella and we walk through the quad. “Do you know where Irina—”
“Boo!” Someone gives my backpack a sharp tug.
Trying to pull free, I whirl around—
And accidentally knock Bea over.
She stares up at me, sprawled on the wet walkway, her lip wobbling. “E-Edith?”
“Shit, Bea. Don’t surprise me like that!”
But I’m not angry at Bea. I’m angry atmyself. How many times did I see Dad shove Mom to the ground? My body starts trembling. No, no, no. I didn’t mean to do it. The walk is slippery, and she surprised me, and…
“It was an accident,” I say quickly. “I would never—”
My voice dies on my lips. Now I sound just like Dad too.
I stand there, frozen. With my berserkr strength, I could have really hurt her.
