Tala stands there, dressed in a linen tunic and holding up her hands. “Whoa. I’m here to help you.”
“Sorry,” I say, slipping my dagger away. “I thought you were someone else.”
“You mean Isaac?”
I press my lips together.
Tala sighs. “Listen, I was upset at first, I won’t lie. But I realized you still haven’t gotten to know us. Psych class today is in the Wilds. Isaac isalready headed there, but since you can’t transform yet, I figured you’ll need some help.”
“Why would you help me?”
“My best friend went berserk and lost his humanity, and he was killed because of it. I don’t want to see that happen to you—or anyone else. Iwantto help you learn how to control your berserking.”
I blink a few times, surprised by how genuine she sounds. But she’s right. I need her help if I want to control this and protect myself. Just like I need her help to reach the class in the Wilds. Whether I like it or not. “Okay.”
Suddenly, Tala is no longer there.
A massive black wolf stands before me. She looks up at me expectantly with her glowing yellow eyes. She makes no move, like she’s waiting for me to realize something.
She said it’s far away and that since I can’t transform, she came back here to help me.
Tala couldn’t mean…
“You want me to get on you?” I ask in disbelief.
The wolf inclines her head. She lowers herself to the floor and waits patiently for me. Is this really the only way I can get there? I blow out a breath as I pace beside her. Is this evensafe? I can’t help but think of Bea’s favorite movie,Princess Mononoke.She’d lose her little mind if I told her I got to ride a wolf.
“Okay,” I say. “Let’s do this.”
Before I can question my judgment further, I climb onto Tala’s back. She’s so massive, she’s more the size of a dire wolf, and it’s difficult to swing my leg over and lower myself down. Her soft fur envelopes me as she stands with a sudden start, her tail flicking. On instinct, I grab fistfuls of her fur as she takes off through the cloisters. I need every ounce of my strength to hold on.
The gates of Skallagrim burst open for us.
Tala bounds through them, picking up speed as we hit the flat expanse of the Wilds. I hold on tighter to her fur, ducking down against the whipping wind. My eyes water from the speed as she races over the land, moving impossibly fast. It’s even better than running track.
A sense of exhilaration fills me.
Is this what berserking can be like? As I breathe in the fresh air, it smells wild with possibility. The world opens before me, waiting for me to explore it. For the first time, I feel like I’m capable of doing anything. If this is even a fraction of what they feel, no wonder Tala and the berserkir love transforming so much.
Her paws fly over the earth as we approach our destination. Maeve, Kris, and Isaac are already there, waiting for us in their linen tunics. A massive crater stretches beyond them, as far and wide as the eye can see.
Tala crouches down so I can slip off her back before she turns human again, naked. Of all the berserkir I’ve seen transform, hers is the most fluid, the most seamless.
I should ask her how she does it.
“Good, you’re here,” Maeve says, handing Tala a fresh tunic. In the daylight, I notice just how shadowed Maeve’s eyes are, how hollowed out she looks after Idris’s death. It’s my first time seeing her since the vigil. Despite her loss, she’s still here, trying to move forward.
“We’re doing something different today,” she continues. “It’s called primal screaming, a type of psychotherapy developed by Dr. Arthur Janov that allows us to connect with our repressed emotions. It’s especially helpful for berserkir. With everything going on lately, I have a feeling we all could use it. I’ve invited you out in smaller groups, so everyone can hopefully feel more comfortable sharing.” She walks along the edge of the crater, her arms behind her back. “The four of you can line up along here.”
I join Tala and Kris, avoiding Isaac.
Maeve stops before me. “What makes you angry, Edith?”
My mouth hangs open. I’m at a loss for words. “I… I don’t know.”
A lot,I add silently.Way too much.
“Of course you do,” Maeve says.
