“Thank you,” I replied as I blushed. “Your body’s . . . I shouldn’t be looking at your body.”
Haji chuckled, and I couldn’t deny how much I loved the sight of his smile. “Why not?”
“I feel like you still belong to someone else.” That made his smile drop. “I’m sorry about Lianne. I wanted to be here for you like you were there for me with my sister, but I was in Japan on business.”
“It’s okay. You’re here now.”
His words went straight to my heart and soothed it.
“That’s for my sister,” I asked, referring to the small Z that was tattooed on the side of his right eye, though I already knew the answer. It seemed poetic that the L was on the left, seeing as there was a poetically beautiful myth that the left hand had a vein attached to the heart, which was why people wore their wedding rings on that hand.
“It is. They guide me now. My guardian angels.”
My eyes watered as I looked into his. “You lost a lot in a small amount of time.”
“So did you,” he countered, taking my hand into his and giving it a kiss. “I wanted us to help each other through Zina’s death, but it was probably best that you went away.”
“Why’s that?”
“I clung to you more than I clung to my wife. You being Z’s sister and looking like her blinded me. It made me feel like I stillhad her in some capacity. Whatever bond we would have built then would have been toxic because of the trauma.”
“And now?” I asked carefully, . . . full of hope.
“Now, whatever builds between us, it’ll be because of us. Not our grief over your sister.”
Before I could stop myself, my hands wrapped around his neck. My thumbs stroked his jaw as his eyes closed. Pulling him close, I kissed both tattoos before kissing his forehead and nose. My lips lingered at the corner of his mouth, and though everything in my brain told me not to kiss this man, my heart told me to. He shifted slightly to the left, as if slightly urging me to connect my lips to his, but the sound of the waitress setting his drink on the table caused me to abruptly pull away.
I scooted to put some space between us, but Haji wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back to his side.
“Don’t start acting furtive,” he commanded, putting his straw in his Coke.
I smiled at his word choice. “I was about to kiss you. I was about to kiss another woman’s man. A man that, though I feel extremely close to, I don’t really know at all.”
Haji nodded as he sipped his drink. “You can get to know me. And as far as me being another woman’s man . . .” He sighed as he looked over at me. “For seven years, I haven’t desired another woman. I haven’t wanted marriage, kids, none of that shit. That changed when I saw you.” Our fingers interlocked. “I will always love my wife, and I’ll never put the pressure on a woman to try and take her place. But I do feel something for you, and even if it only lasts until your trip is over, I’d like to explore what that leads to.”
In that moment, thoughts of my forever with Raymond swirling down the drain felt like the release of something that couldn’t serve me to make space for something better. I knew whatever fling that started between Haji and I wouldn’t lastforever, but I’d be lying if I said a part of my heart hadn’t been reserved for him.
“I’d like that,” I confessed, making him smile.
“Good. How are you liking your time in Jasper Lane so far?”
We continued to make small talk while we waited for his order, then he ate and went back to the coffee shop. Hearing him say they would likely close early because of the slow traffic cracked my heart a little, but it motivated me to continue to research and form a plan to increase business. When we met tomorrow, I was confident we’d be able to start the foundation for a plan to not only save Grounds 4 Love but make it better than it ever had been. And now, I didn’t want to do it just for my sister, but I wanted to do it for Haji too. He’d invested a lot into the coffee shop for the past decade. Now, it was my turn.
A part of me was nervous about things turning romantic between us while we worked on the shop together. That was too reminiscent of me working for Raymond. But this was different. I wouldn’t be working at the shop, and I wouldn’t be working for Haji. All I planned to do was give him ideas and advice on how he could better market and promote Grounds. If we didn’t mesh well professionally, I’d refer someone else. I hoped that wouldn’t be the case, though, because helping Grounds flourish again was personal. I owed this to my sister. Finding her box and mission statement inspired me to go after what I was passionate about. I wasn’t sure what that was yet, but something in my spirit told me I’d know by the time my visit was over.
8
Haji
I was as excited as Norbit was about his Tuesday date with Kate to see Zoe today, and that truth made me feel guilty. I wouldn’t suggest I hadn’t entertained women over the years. When I wanted companionship, it didn’t last more than a few months. I did have sex with women, but no one ever made me desire more.
Then came Zoe, and with her being here for just a few days, she made me curious.
She made me want more.
I knew logically that Lianne would want me to be happy, and if that happiness meant being with someone else, she would approve. But it was my choice to not give another woman access to my heart. I’d promised it to Lianne, and for a really long time, I felt like it died right along with her.
That changed when Zoe gave me roses.
