I search his face, trying to gauge how serious he is, how much of this is just talk. But his eyes are steady, sincere. And for a moment, I let myself believe it.
Just fun. No strings. Over and over with the same guy.
The handsome-as-fuck guy who just rocked my world.
I can do that,right?
Maybe it’s exactly what I need now that drinking isn’t an option to dull the edges. Finding random bodies to warm my bed every time I’m spiraling will be exhausting. Having one person—one steady, reliable, insanely hot person—who I can turn to when I need that release? That doesn’t sound so bad. It almost sounds…safe.
I don’t answer him. I simply lie there and allow myself to sink into the sensation as the rhythm of his fingers stroking my back lulls me further into a dangerous sense of calm. I shouldn’t be letting this happen. This is exactly what I’ve always tried to avoid. Letting someone in, even for a night longer than I planned. Attachments make everything harder, even if they’re only fuck buddies.
The deeper you let someone in, the more it hurts when they leave.
Or die.
They take that warmth with them, and I can’t afford to lose something I barely have. God, I’m so tired of being cold, keeping everyone at arm’s length, convincing myself I don’t need this, and fine on my own. I’ve built walls so high that even I’m suffocating behind them.
Hottie continues stroking my back and hair, his fingers trailing down my upper arm. The fight in me is draining away with every gentle caress. He doesn’t push. He’s there, solid and warm.
Maybe I could give him something. Not everything, butsomething. Just enough to feel the warmth without getting burned. The way I did with Annabelle.
Can I walk that line when sex is involved?
“You don’t have to decide anything now,” his voice is a soft rumble. “I don’t need promises, just… don’t say no too quickly.”
I should absolutely say no, but instead, I stay silent and lean into him, letting his touch soothe the ache that’s been gnawing at me for longer than I care to admit. The tiredness in my bones is overwhelming, pulling me under, and I don’t have the strength to fight it anymore, not after the long fucking day I’ve had.
I’m too tired to think about the consequences or to push him away. Right now, all I want is to be held, even if it’s temporary.
He shifts beside me. “Can I… stay the night?”
I pretend to be asleep, hoping he’ll either quietly slip out or stay.
Just for a little while longer.
His breath catches, and I think he’s going to leave, and I’ll wake up cold and alone, as always. Then I hear him murmur, almost to himself, “Looks like I’m staying because if you don’t kick me out, I’ll never leave.”
His words, hiswarning, echo in my mind as sleep pulls me under.
SIXTEEN
The loud slam of a door jolts me awake, my heart pounding from the sudden noise. I hear a muffled‘fuck’from somewhere in the apartment, and I groan, squeezing my eyes shut as if I can ward off the headache forming at my temples.
A moment later, the mattress dips beside me, and I slowly pry my eyes open, my lids sticky with makeup I didn’t bother to remove last night. I blink at the blurry shape above me until it comes into focus.
Hottie is leaning over me, a grin on his handsome face. “Good morning, sunshine,” he says, all too cheery for whatever time it is.
I mutter something incoherent along the lines of, “Why are you still here?”
His grin falters a bit, but he pushes on, holding up a cup of coffee and a small paper bag. “Got us breakfast.”
I sit up, the sheets pooling around my waist, and I notice his eyes drop to my chest, lingering there before he swallows hard, forcing himself to look at my face. It almost makes me laugh.
Instead, I take the coffee from his hand, letting the warmth seep into my fingers. “I need a shower,” I mumble, sliding out of bed. His gaze follows me, and this time, he doesn’t even try tolook away from my naked body. His eyes darken as they travel over my glitter-covered skin.
Then he stands, too, following me out of the room and asking, “How do you feel?”
I don’t answer and when I reach the bathroom, I push the door closed behind me. I hear the soft thud as it connects with his face, followed by a surprised yelp.
