And by some miracle, I have him back on mine.
TWENTY-FIVE
The stillness of my room is a lie, masking the storm raging inside me.
My knuckles are white as I grip the edge of the bed. The hum of my therapist’s voice through the phone is steady, the only thing I’ve been clinging to for the past twenty minutes, which is pretty much the entire time since we got back from the Heights Casino.
The second we stepped through the door, I bolted upstairs, ripping off my suit like it was suffocating me. I barely managed to pull on a pair of sweats and a shirt before fumbling to dial her number, my chest heaving as though I’d been holding my breath the entire way home.
My lungs burn, and my head swims, but her voice anchors me, pulling me back from the edge I’d been teetering on since Blackwood laid his hands on me.
“You can be proud of yourself, Alaric,” she reassures me. “You’ve made such fast and amazing progress. It’s perfectly okay that a stranger touching you was so triggering. It’s entirely normal. But the fact that you were able to hold it together in the moment to postpone your reaction? That’s a huge step forward.” I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Breaking downnow, after the fact, doesn’t make you weak,” she continues. “It’s a sign of growth. You’re letting yourself process it, and that’s healthy. This is how you heal, by letting yourselffeelin a safe environment rather than bottling it up.”
I nod again. Hearing her frame it that way makes the knot of shame in my chest loosen if only a little.
“I couldn’t let myself break,” I mutter. “If I’d… if I’d lost it in front of him, he would’ve hurt her. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“You stayed present, you acted, and you got through it. That takes strength.”
Strength. I huff out a bitter laugh. It didn’t feel like strength when every cell in my body was screaming to bolt, curl into myself, and shut out the world. When Blackwood’s hand gripped my forearm, the world closed in, and it was like I was back there, helpless and exposed.
But I didn’t crumble because Nova was right there. The thought of failing her was louder than the fear.
“Are you breathing like we practiced?” my therapist asks, drawing me back.
I inhale slowly, letting the air fill my lungs, holding it a beat before exhaling. “Yeah. It’s helping.”
“Good. You’ve done well tonight, Alaric. But you’ve pushed through a lot, and it’s natural to feel the weight of it now that you’re safe. I want you to stay close to someone tonight, a friend, or maybe Novalee? You’re not alone, and it’s important you remind yourself of that.”
The knock on the door is soft but hesitant. My head turns toward it, and I feel my chest tighten with a different kind of anticipation. “There’s someone at the door.”
“Your girlfriend?’”
“I hope so,” I murmur into the phone, a weak smile tugging at my lips.
“Good,” she says warmly. “Remember, there is good touch, Alaric. Andshewould never hurt you. You were brave today. You’ve got this.”
I manage a quiet, “Thank you.”
“Anytime. Call me if you need to. I’m here.”
The line clicks off, and I exhale another slow breath before I call out, “Yes?”
Carefully, the door opens, and Nova peeks in. “Are you okay?”
“I am now. Come in.”
She glides in, holding a purple velvet box, her gaze darting around. I’m glad I channeled my anxiety about the evening into tidying up earlier. The room is clean, the curtains are open, and it smells fresh in here.
“Sorry,” she apologizes. “I just wanted to check on you.”
“Why?”
Seems like I didn’t do as a good job of not letting my panic show as I think I did.
Her green eyes flick up to mine, and she shifts on her feet. “That guy grabbed you, and I was so intimidated by him. He had such a hard grip on my wrist. I didn’t like it at all. And you?—”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off, though her doubt is visible the moment the words leave my mouth. She fixes me with herdon’t bullshit melook. It’s disarming, as it always has been, and I chuckle. “Fine,” I admit, running a hand through my hair. “It sent me into a spiral. But I called my therapist just now, and it helped a lot. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, but… I think, and she agrees, it would be good to have someone around tonight.”
