“Well, you should drop in and see her and the kids. We’re thinking of taking a trip in July with the family. Do you have time off?”
July is one of the busiest months of the lacrosse season.
“I don’t think I can, Mom.”
“You need a job that’ll pay you to go on vacation,” she says, her tone sharper than before.
Nodding, I say, “As chaotic as my life is, I love it. There’s always a challenge and a way to get better. I’m constantly meeting people and am so grateful for all the friends it’s brought into my life.”
“You can make friends in other ways, Courtney,” my father says. He’s got his arms folded over his chest. My mom is next to the tissue box and reaches for one, getting ready for the on-demand tears.
“I won’t be able to play this sport for many more years, but I’ll give it all I’ve got until then.”
My father shakes his head. “It’s okay to quit, son. To move on with your life. Do something that gives you stability.”
“I can’t sit in a chair for hours a day. I’m twenty-eight years old, and what I need from you, what I’ve needed for a long time, is for you to be happy for me. To show up every once in a while and cheer me on.” I pause and study their faces. There’s no recognition that what I said is going to help them change. “I’m going to head out now. I’ll see you…whenever.”
I take my duffel bag and walk out the door, feeling more than relief as I leave the house. Never have I felt more like a stranger than I do right now.
They don’t chase me with tears or pleas. They let me walk out the door without another word.
My life comes into sharp focus. I’ve been chasing the support of people who withhold it while pushing away the people who give it freely.
If only I had a magic potion that could turn back time, I’d be able to stop all this before I was an idiot.
Now, more than ever, I’m grateful for the people who’ve become my family, who’ve taken me in and cared about me even though I’m not blood.
Clark, Finny, Stack, and Jackson.
Grandpa George and Grandma Marianne, who came to FanFest and one of my games after I’d only met them once.
And of course, Laney.
My life might not be ideal for a relationship, but if she’ll forgive me, I’ll do everything I can to make it work.
Because the people who believe in me shouldn’t be the ones I push away.
CHAPTER 38
LANEY
“We’re getting ready for the matchup between the Utah Silverhawks and the Washington Nationals,” I say into the camera, making sure my microphone is close enough to hear over the constant crack of a ball against the bat during warm-ups. “The Nationals have won three straight, and while it’s still early, the Silverhawks need to get a few wins to round out this road trip.”
I listen for the responses through my earpiece and nod.
“I talked to Coach Roche. He said star shortstop Chase Purdee should be in the lineup today. He’s a major asset to this team and will make a difference both on the fieldand at the plate.”
The announcers sign off, and I breathe out a sigh.
Two more games and we’ll be home. I don’t know why this trip has worn on me more than the others. Maybe it’s because I feel so out of my element with this sport. I know it better than some others, though.
I walk over and pick up my water jug, taking a long swig. I can do this. Last night, I wrote down at least fifteen interview questions that aren’t the same as the ones I’ve been asking. Hopefully they’ll draw out better responses than the one or two-word answers I’ve been getting.
“Laney Zelinski?” a woman asks.
I turn to face her. She’s wearing Nationals gear, so I’m surprised she knows my name. “That’s me.”
“This is for you.” She hands me a small package that looks like it’s been wrapped by a four-year-old.
