I pause over it, wondering if it’s the right thing to send. It sounds way more upbeat than I’m feeling right now, like I’ll just pop in and text her again.
If only we could go back to the time when we first met and those weekends away, maybe it would all work out.
I’m just glad you’re okay. I’m working with the baseball team now. Good luck this weekend, and I hope everything heals in time.
There aren’t any emojis or the usual enthusiasm, but it’s all through text, which is hard to decipher.
It’s for the best that I don’t answer. That I move on and we get to a place where we can just be friends again, even though that makes me want to throw up in my mouth.
“What are you doing?” Jackson asks. “You look like you’re in major pain. Did they not give you anything for your injury?”
How do I tell this young kid my hamstring isn’t what’s hurting right now? It’s the big organpowering my whole body, and it’s my own fault it’s breaking.
“I’m just thinking.” That’s a bland explanation, but I hope he buys it.
“Well, stop it before you need a ride to the hospital. I don’t think I can drive your truck there.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Because it’s a stick shift?”
He nods.
“Well, I’ll have to teach you sometime. Every guy should know how to drive a manual.”
“What’s got you all frazzled?” Jackson asks, sitting in the chair next to me.
“Just wishing I was at a hundred percent for this weekend.” That’s not the whole truth, but I don’t want to discuss everything with him. He’s a nice kid, but we haven’t had a serious conversation in…well, ever.
“What happened to Laney? I haven’t seen her here in a while.”
He might look like he doesn’t care, but he’s perceptive.
I shake my head, not sure how to describe it out loud.
“Between my schedule of practices and the restaurant and hers with the baseball team, it’s tough.”
He frowns. “So you’re just giving up?”
“I don’t think I’m boyfriend material, Jackson.”
He raises his eyebrows and says, “Did she tell you that?”
“No.” Someone else did. “What do I have to offer? I play lacrosse and serve tables at a restaurant. That’s not something most women will take home to their families.”
“But Finny said that you already met them, right? Something about a farm?”
I laugh and shake my head. “Yeah, I did.”
“Did they tell you they didn’t like you?”
“No…” I’m still in shock that all of this is coming from Jackson.
“Then what’s the real problem?”
I put my hands out in front of me and grit my teeth. “I just told you, man. I’m not enough for her. She needs someone who can take care of her, who can give her everything she wants. I can’t do that. Should I even be playing lacrosse still?” I gesture to my leg. I’ve got to stop this doubt spiral, but every thought keeps peppering my mind, making it harder to block those out.
His eyes go wide and he says, “Why wouldn’t you play for as long as you can? Just because you pulled your hamstring, it’s like you’re having an existential crisis over it.”
I laugh and shake my head. “You’ve been learning a lot of new words lately, Jackson.”
