“Oh, watch out for the—”
“Godfuckingdammit,” I seethe, hopping on my right foot as sharp pain shoots through my left.
“Rattle,” Veronica says with a wince, rushing over to pick up the tiny plastic toy from the floor. “Sorry.”
I limp away, trying my best not to swear any further around Paislee. I have less than ten minutes to pack my stuff and leave for work, and disturbing the baby resting in Veronica’s arms isn’t in my best interest.
My world has completely flipped upside down in the past eighteen months. Not only have I been adjusting to being a new dad, but I’ve had to re-learn how to live with someone, something I haven’t done since I was in college.
“I think we’re nearing our last bottle of formula, so I’ll stop at the store on my way home to pick some more up,” I say before grabbing my lunchbag and hoisting it under my arm.
“Mm, okay, sure. But if you get off late again, just wait until the morning. We have enough for another night. I’d rather you come home at a decent time…for once.”
I round the kitchen table, looking down at my sleepy girl, sucking on a bottle. She stares up at me with those beautiful big green eyes. So rare,and so perfect. I smooth down her wispy blonde hairs to the side of her head.
“I’ll make it work.” I smile, distracted by my precious bundle of joy. She reaches out for me, and her chubby hand touches my beard. She loves it, so I’ve kept it longer than I used to.
“Brad?” Veronica says my name quietly.
“Hm?” My eyes gravitate to her hazel ones. The ones that remind me so much ofhis. It makes my stomach twist. Between the guilt and the lingering pain that just won’t fade away, I can barely stand the reminder, which means avoiding her eyes whenever possible.
“Come home at a decent time tonight, yeah? For me?” The side of her mouth perks up.
I swallow down the need to look away and instead, kiss her forehead quickly before kissing Paislee’s.
“I’ll try,” I mutter, before turning to leave out the door.
***
After a long, grueling day managing my crew on a new subdivision, I’m finally on my way home. Getting hired on by this local investor has been a great opportunity for the business, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard being away from Paislee all day. The men I work with just don’t compare to that little girl’s dimples and giggles.
But as the founder of Stone & Creek Co., I’ve got to put in the work. For Paislee…for my family.
My hand grips the steering wheel as I drive home after a stop at the gas station. Our usual place was out of stock, so I had to cross town, hitting two stations before I finally found the formula Paislee tolerates.
I know I could’ve waited until morning like Veronica insisted. I also know that if I had gotten home sooner, I would’ve had more time with Paislee.
But, that would mean more time spent with Veronica. And that’s something I’ve been struggling with for the past year.
The fact is, spending quality time with her means suppressing what I truly want to say. All the words that Ishouldsay that would break us apart and tear Paislee away from me, perhaps forever.
The fact is that last summer, I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life.
And the worst part of it all is that it was a mistake I’ve wanted to relive every single day since.
Slowly, I arrive back at the house, the house he grew up in, and park my truck in the driveway.
I tried my hardest to get her to move in with me when Paislee was about to be born, but she insisted that they had more room here. She was right. But what she didn’t know was that the walls, the smell, the room at the end of the hall, all screamed his name to me.
Staying late at work is my only reprieve from the suffocating reality that he’s not here when he should be.
I’m the imposter in this.
Deciding to go in, I grab the box of formula and head inside.
The house is dark and quiet, which means that Veronica may have packed it in early. She’s been doing that more often lately, seeing as, with Paislee teething, we’ve been up twice a night like clockwork.
I make my way up the stairs to the guest bathroom. Slipping in quietly, I shower the work day off my skin. If I can stay quiet enough, I can still slip downstairs to ‘watch TV’ until I fall asleep, avoiding her completely.
