Connecting to old friends isn’t usually my style. Mustering up the past? Skip.
But, something about being around Brad this weekend makes me think…giving people a chance isn’t always so bad.
I am so fucked.
14
Brad
Walking back from the showers, one thing has been consuming my mind:Noah.
Today I’ve got to return home to Veronica. The thing is…how could I be okay with looking her in the eyes after what I did with her son? This weekend has shown me just how much I’m not in the position to marry her. I should feel overwhelmed with guilt. I should be drowning in it. But I’m not. I…liked it.A lot. And maybe that’s what scares me the most.
I’ve always been a loyal person. I stick to my word and I don’t let people down. Cheating on her wasn’t anything I ever pictured myself doing. But, with Noah…it felt like I had no choice. My mind and body acted of their own accord. If anything, feeling the weight of returning back toherfeels more like betrayal.
I’m almost forty and he’s half my age, yet this feels better than any relationship I’ve ever been in.
Noah feels…right…to me.
So,now what?
Arriving back at the campsite, I walk up just as what looks like Dakota is leaving.
My jaw clenches as I make my way to Noah.
“What did she want?” I huff out.
Helooks down at his arm and then back to me. “She wanted to give me her number.”
I stop in my tracks, feeling the weight of his words on my chest.
I reach out for his arm and look down at the number scribbled on his skin.
This is the reality of our situation. Staring at me right in the face. Noah is single. I am not.
And until I figure out how to fix that, I’ll have to deal with these things happening.
“Does this make you upset?” Noah asks, scanning my face.
I drop his hand. “I’m in no position to say anything.” I answer truthfully. “Come on. Let’s finish packing.”
Noah licks his lips, but looks away. “Let’s.”
***
I snap the truck bed shut, the sound signaling we’re finally packed and ready to go. Getting everything in the truck took us longer than expected. Our steps were slower. The bags were heavier and everything seemed…harder.It’s already way later than I thought we’d be leaving. At this rate, we won’t be getting home until after dinner.
Something heavy hangs in the air between us as we slide into the front seats.
Noah hasn’t said all that much since I gave him back his phone. I don’t miss the way he’s barely looked at it either. Of course, I don’t blame him. Neither have I. I took one look at my screen, saw a message from Veronica saying she’s excited to see me, and decided to shut it off.
I stare out at the vacant lot where our tent once stood. So many memories folded into a single weekend. Noah made me confront so much of myself that I’ve kept buried…and I don’t want to go backwards from here.
I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t shake the feeling that once we get back home, I will. And if that means staying here forever…I would do that.
Yet, I know that’s not real life and I understand that I have to face the repercussions of what I’ve done. I hurt someone this weekend. As explosive as it may be…I have to own up to it.
I lift the keys to the ignition.
