“I love you, Noah. I’ll always love you,” I repeat. I’ll repeat it as many times as he needs me to. He lays against me as I fall back on the empty cab.
His head falls onto my chest as he rocks himself gently through the aftershocks. His closeness grounds me, allowing me to soak in what I needed all week. Maybe my whole life.
“I love you too,” he sniffles. I pick his head up to look at me, and wipe away the tears that have fallen against his cheeks and down the tip of his nose.
Hiseyes, so big and dreamy. Damn, he even looks beautiful when he cries. But, I never want to make him cry. I’ll do what I need to do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
“I’m so sorry for hurting you,” I inhale sharply. “I can’t…I can’t quit you.”
“And I can’t leave you.” Noah sniffles, shaking his head. “So now what?”
We hear a rustle in the distance, commanding us both to look at the side of the cab. We both stop moving, hoping whatever it was will just fade into the night.
After a few seconds, the sound disappears. Must’ve been a little rat or something scurrying across the field.
“I guess that’s our cue to get going. Don’t want to catch a charge out here.” Noah smirks, gently slipping out of me.
Damn, I really liked that feeling of having him fill me up.
I feel wetness drip out of me, making me feel all types of dirty in the best way.
The ache left behind makes me feel wrecked and cherished all at once.
Taking off my button up, I wipe off the mess on my stomach.
“How are we going to explain this one?” I laugh to myself.
I look up to see a distasteful look reflected back at me. Noah slides his shorts up, shaking his head.
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
“Noah,” I sigh, hopping off the edge of the truck and pulling up my pants. “I’m going to tell her.”
He straightens his back, looking at me like he’s tired of me saying it. “Yeah…” he says quietly.
He walks over to me and smiles, softly brushing my cheek. For a second, I think I’ve won him back.
Butthen…I see it.
The flicker of doubt on his face.
“You don’t believe me,” I say.
Noah looks into the distance, back at the fair like he’s unsure of how to answer that.
“You know how I feel about you. But…it doesn’t really change anything, does it?” Noah shifts awkwardly on his feet. “You’re with my mom and until you’re not…I just can’t see how this will work. If it was really about her, you would’ve left her a while ago. You’re clearly just not ready to come out yet.” He shakes his head, looking at the ground before him like he can’t believe his own words. Leaving me with my heart in my throat. “You’re not ready, which is okay. But, until you are…I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to keep stringing this along.”
I purse my lips, leaning on the truck. His words winding me like they’re a medicine ball to the gut. “So that’s it? After everything. It’s that easy to walk away from me.”
“If that’s what you think, you haven’t been paying attention.” He shakes his head, tapping on the edge of the truck with his fist before walking off.
And I watch him leave, just like I did the night he left that summer. Just like I always do.
39
Noah
“Yeah, I’ve got it all.” I say into the speaker on my phone. The same phone that Brad got for me. I grip the phone tightly in my hand.
