She looks him over before slowly nodding her head. “Right…right.” She wraps her arm around his neck, snuggling him in close. “I forgot how self-less you are. You knew I’d make a big fuss and you didn’t want to stress me out.”
I roll my eyes. “You’ve gotta be fucking joking.”
“Brad,” Noah, shifts Dakota's arms off of him.
“Noah,” I mock his tone in the same way he’s done with me many times. “You fucking left.Again.After promising me no more running. I can’t believe you’d do that.” I shake my head, stepping closer.
Dakota freezes, eyes flicking between us. “You know what? I think I’m going to go for a little walk…” she mutters, edging aside. “I’ll come find you.” She whispers first to Noah before slipping away.
I clench my teeth, watching her retreat, my chest tightening. “I can’t believe you came here together.”
“I’m just doing what you don’t have the guts to do,” Noah sneers, closing the distance between us. “Making a choice.”
This hits me straight in the chest. “What thefuckis that supposed to mean? You’re choosing for me?Again?You can’t just…” I look around for the right words. “I don’t know—wait for me?Let me figure my shit out? I can’t just keep everything together all the time. I’m a human being, Noah. I have to think before I act. Or else I’ll...hurtpeople.” I ramble.
His eyes narrow. “You want me towaitfor you? For how long, Brad? My whole fucking life?”
“Of course not,” I exhale deeply. “But,fuck,Noah.” I take my hat off and run my hand through my hair. “You can’t just fucking walk out on me. Without even a text. I fuckingcareabout you. This isn’t nothing to me.You’re notnothing to me.” I feel a stinging behind my eyes. Which is embarrassing but I can’t keep it out. There’s so much I want to say and I’d rather not say it in front of watchful eyes.
I turn around to glance at Veronica and Kev. They’re standing there talking amongst themselves which is good, at least.
Veronica’s eyes flick toward us, confused.
My stomach dips but I give them a slight wave but hold up my finger, signaling to give us a moment. I’ll think about an excuse for it later. Right now, I need to do this.
Veronica nods her head and goes back to focusing on whatever Kev is saying.
“Can we go somewhere to talk?” I ask, turning back to Noah. “Alone?” I add, my eyes flicking in Dakota’s direction.
Noah shakes his head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Noah, I swear to God…” I walk away, rubbing my hand over my lips. If he doesn’t follow me, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll break apart. I’ll crumble. I’ll admit defeat. So I hope for both of our sakes that he does
***
Thankfully, he follows.
I lead us back to my truck which is a little ways away from the noisy fair. I parked near the cornstalks across the street from the park. It’s dark over here, secluded and no one comes around this part unless they’re looking to get lost or murdered. Or, in our case, have a desperately vulnerable private chat.
“I shouldn’t have even followed you.” Noah’s voice comes out shaky, as he joins me behind my truck. “What you said at the hospital…”
“Wasn’t about you.” I throw my hat in the cab of the trunk. “I was upset and scared. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I amsosorry, Noah.”
“Still…seeing you with my mom. With Paislee?” His eyes look glossy as they jump between mine. He huffs out a long breath. “It’s too hard.”
“And what? You think this is easy for me?” I crowd in close. “Noah, you havenoidea how bad it gets. I can’tbreathewhen you’re not around. I’m constantly wanting to see you. Touch you. Feel your skin.” My hands trail up his arms, until I’m grabbing him firmly, scared to let go. “Pretending not to feel the way I do about you isexhausting.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t keep living like this. Only getting you half the time…”
I place my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “I’ll figure it out, just give me some time. Just…come back home to me.Please.” My voice cracks.
He shakes his head, loosening my hands off of him. “You’re not listening to me. You don’t know how lonely it gets. Being with you and then watching you with her. I feel on the outside,all the time.” He rubs his hand down his face. “Not to mention, I’m doing the exact same thing I hated my mother for. How can I hate her and not hate myself?”
Holy shit.“Noah, I had no idea—”
“How could you? You’re so wrapped up in your own shit. You can’t see me.”
“That’s not true.” I need to touch him. I need to feel him close. I wrap my hands around his face, pulling him in again. “You'reallI see, Noah.Please.” I lean my forehead on his.
