Honestly, I had no idea who else to turn to. I wasn’t the most popular kid in school, and the few friends I did have, I’d shut out. Dakota treated me better than most would have, considering how I acted. Yet the last time I saw her, she seemed genuinely interested in reconnecting. I remember the way she looked at me—like she really missed me. It had been over a year, so I wasn’t sure she’d answer when I called… but then she did.
I’ve been staying with her and her friends for the past week before they leave for their annual camping trip. Dakota’s cousin, Jodie, let me crash on her living room couch. I’ve learnt that Jodie is really cool and their group of friends are super welcoming which have been nice. I’m thankful for their generosity since I know how random this meetup is. They didn’t have to be so open to letting me stay in their home.
Of course, I gave Jodie and Dakota some money for letting me crash. But only after they refused a million times.Friends do this for friends,they said.
Dakota leans forward, resting her forearms on her knees. We both take a moment to look out at the vast tree line. We went hiking up into the forest since she ‘knew a spot’ and led me to a cool lookout point. She was right. It’s beautiful out here.
Spending this time out of town and up north feels…cleansing.
Like I can see my situation for what it truly is.
Fucked up. Toxic. Doomed.
But, sitting here, I hate the sinking feeling that Brad would love it out here too. He loves being in nature, and away from it all. I wonder when the last time he has gotten to do that.
“You know how we all stay so tight?” Dakota asks. “We don’t let each other go. It’s not an option,” she winks, nudging me with her knee. She offers me the joint, but I shake my head.
“I’m still unsure why you’ve taken such an interest in my personal life.”
She shrugs her shoulders, bringing the joint to her lips. “I think I could see how much I relate to you. Loving someone you can’t have. I could see it between you guys, even then,” she says before pulling in a drag.
“Oh,”
“You thought it wasn’t obvious?” She smirks.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter if it was. It’s over now…so…” I look down at my feet, kicking a pebble far enough that it tips off the edge.
“Well, that’s no fun.” She huffs.
“He’s got a whole family. A fiancé. A daughter. If he wanted to leave that, he would’ve by now.” I frown.
“Well, then,fuckhim. He obviously can’t see how amazing you are.” She furrows her eyebrows, looking away.
This makes me laugh. “The only thing is, he’s the only person in a very long time that's made me feel seen.” My smile fades. “He just doesn’t want me.”
Dakota looks into my eyes. “Then he’s missing out.”
I bite my lip, looking away. “Maybe it’s for the best. All I’d do is mess things up for him.”
She jams the little bit of joint on the rock we’re sitting on, putting it out before sticking it in her little container to throw out later. “You know what we need to do?”
“What?” I ask.
“Get drunk.” She winks.
I shake my head, running my hand through my hair. “That sounds nice but I’m not sure it’ll solve my problems.”
“Who said anything about solving your problems?” She laughs. “But wait, it gets better.” She grabs ahold of my shoulder. “We make him jealous, show him what he’s missing andthenget drunk.”
I look down at her lips, my stomach quickly tying in knots. I don’t think I could do that to him after all he’s done for me. I don’t want to hurt him.
Just picturing his face if he saw me with someone else makes me feel sick. But maybe that’s the point.
“I don’t know…he’s not a bad guy, he’s just—”
Dakota waves her hand in front of my face, cutting me off. “That fair thingy still happening tomorrow night?”
My stomach drops. I forgot all about the fair. Almost forgot about my birthday, too. What is there to celebrate, anyway?
