“Breathe for me, Brad.” I encourage, rubbing him softly up and down his back.
He lets out a big breath, picking his head up to look at the room. We can’t see past the door which makes it worse. “Fuck, this is the worst.” He breathes out in a shaky laugh. I look at his red, swollen eyes, as he wipes them with the back of his hand. “She looked so scared.” He turns back into my neck. I can feel the soft shivers running through his body as he fists my sweater.
I squeeze the back of his neck. “She’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
He quietly cries on my shoulder, and I hold him, guiding us toward a couple of chairs along the opposite wall.
***
The next twenty minutes feels like an eternity.
I continue to rub his back long after he’s calmed down. He sits up, biting his thumb nail looking at God knows what as his knee jumps up and down.
“What if I did something wrong?” he asks, breaking the silence.
“You didn’t.”
“But what if I did?” His tone sharpens, as if the blame belongs squarely on him.
“We don’t know what happened yet.”
Heshakes his head, staring at the closed door. “This is what I get. I can’t ever just be happy,” he mutters under his breath.
My eyes narrow as I try to decipher what he means.Does he think this is his fault?
The door opens. The same doctor steps out.
“Mr. Stone,” he says. We both shoot to our feet.
“Is she okay? What went wrong? Can I go in and see her now?” Brad rushes out.
I place my hand on the small of his back so he can feel me there. But, when the doctor glances at the exchange, I feel Brad take a small step away from me. The subtle action cuts a little deeper than I’d like to admit.
“She’s okay. Ear infection probably brought on by some water in her ear. She just needs some antibiotics and she should be okay. If the irritation persists after a few days and she’s still not sleeping, you can come back in and we’ll take another look.” He nods his head.
Brad’s shoulders melt, his whole demeanor softening. “Oh, thank God,” he exhales, running his hand through his hair.
“You can go right in and see her.” The doctor steps aside, and we both waste no time rushing in the room.
There Paislee is, sleeping as sound as a baby bird in her little bed.
“We gave her some antibiotics to help the pain go down. She should be good for the rest of the night.” He smiles. “I’ll leave you.”
“Thank you so much, Doctor.” Brad smiles, already kissing Paislee's little hand. “Thank you.” He sniffs.
I see a tear running off down his face and off his nose, and before it lands, he wipes it away.
As I watch him, watching her, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with what he said earlier.
I understand being scared over Paislee, and I’msograteful she’s okay… but…I can’t help but feel like there’s a wall between us once again, that wasn’t there before.
Deciding to leave it alone for right now, I go to the other side of the bed, and hold Paislee's other hand. “You did so good with her. She’s going to be okay.”
He sniffs, avoiding my eyes. “I could’ve been better.”
I shake my head. “Ear infections happen. I had a million when I was younger. It’s not your fault.”
“We took her to the water park. I should’ve thought about it. I should’ve…” He stops himself, jaw tight.
