“Rolls eyes.He seems very nice and he said that I gave him the idea for the class.His sister is deaf, and he’s been using sign language for a long time.”Harm’s fingers flew as he texted.
“Is he cute?”Joe sent, and Harm felt himself blush a little.
“Yes, he’s cute.He has nice eyes and curly poodle hair.And a really pretty smile.”He hesitated before pressing Send because he knew he was going to get the text version of the third degree from Joe.
“Then ask him out for coffee,” Joe sent to Harm’s surprise.
He shook his head at the damned phone.“How am I supposed to do that?I can send him a note and then we can sit there in silence, looking into each other’s eyes.Or maybe we could pass notes the way we did when we were in middle school.”
“But you like him?”Joe was like a dog with a bone, and he rarely gave up.
“So what.He’s nice.I don’t know if he likes guys, and what is he going to see in me?”There, that was out in the open.He had voiced what he was most afraid of.
“Okay.So coffee is out.But try to think of some way to approach him.Just because you can’t talk doesn’t mean you do nothing.Let your actions do the talking for you.People love a man of action.Words are cheap, but actions speak a hell of a lot louder.”
Harm wasn’t about to commit to anything.“Thanks.I’ll think about it.”He set the phone aside before he could let himself get too maudlin about how much he missed them.He was looking forward to January.It was already getting really cold.At night it was close to freezing.But things were beginning to work out.
Harm started his new job on Monday, and he was looking forward to being useful again.When he’d been injured and mustered out of the Army, he lost his job, his friends, and part of his family all at once.It really sucked to have that much of his life all come to an abrupt end… just like that.
At least he didn’t have to worry too much about money for the time being since he was injured in the line of duty, but that pay along with his savings was not going to support him forever.
The truth was that he was just beginning to get his life back together.The job, a place to live… all of that took time.And yet he found himself thinking about Derek at the oddest moments.He wasn’t even sure if the man was gay, but that didn’t stop his imagination from running full tilt ahead.Harm did get that fluttery feeling in his belly when he saw Derek, and when he was looking back.That was a sign that there might be some interest.But Harm had found that those feelings weren’t always accurate, and they didn’t necessarily mean that Derek was interested in him.No, it was best to keep to himself and do nothing.
And yet, as he went through the rest of his day, he found himself thinking of Derek and wondering what he was doing.It had been thoughtful of him to think of Harm when putting together that class, and dang, he’d been impressed that Derek had given him honest answers rather than simple platitudes or hyperbole.
All these feelings ran through his mind, and sometimes they were just so damned overwhelming.That was the hardest part of all this.He couldn’t exactly talk to anyone about it.It felt kind of dumb to try to put it into a text, and yet that was one of the simpler ways he had to communicate.Harm had looked into some of those text-to-speech programs, but he didn’t want to end up sounding like a robot.What he really wanted was his own life back, with his voice and the ability to yell and to talk to people about the simple shit in life.But he also knew he had to accept that what he’d had wasn’t coming back, and he had to look forward rather than behind, and that meant accepting things the way they were.
If he was going to do that, then he needed to figure out a way to make things happen.Sitting around and waiting was not exactly his cup of tea.He had a Facebook account as well as other social media, so he figured he could help get the word out.
THE BUZZERdown at the sidewalk pulled Harm out of his story.He had been curled up on the sofa under a blanket, relaxing before supper.He wasn’t expecting guests, but he pushed back the blanket and slipped on his slippers before taking the long flight of stairs down to the door.Peering outside, he saw two strangers at the door.He unlocked and pulled the door open, staring at the two men, who gaped at him.
“We’re—” one of them began and stopped and looked at the other.
Harm stepped forward, looking up and down the sidewalk in case this was some sort of joke or if it was a setup.“Umm, so… we’re representatives of the Church of Latter Day Saints, and we were wondering if we could talk to you.”They looked clean-cut and seemed nice enough, but this was the last thing he wanted.His book waited, as did the warmth of his blanket.He signed “no thank you”, the way Derek had taught him, but they didn’t seem to notice.“Is it all right if we step inside out of the cold?”
Harm shook his head and stepped back to close the door.“Harm, is that you?”a familiar voice said from out in the dark.He turned to see a bundled-up figure who was removing a scarf, grateful that it was Derek.“Is something the matter?”
“No.We were just doing our mission,” one of the men said gently.
“I see.Did you see that he signed to you?”Derek asked forcefully.“He was trying to talk to you, but you weren’t paying attention.”Derek turned to him with that warm smile of his.“Do you want me to handle this for you?”
Harm signed “Yes.”
“He isn’t able to speak, and you pushing in on him isn’t wanted or needed right now.Thank you for stopping by, and good luck with your mission.”Derek’s tone brooked no argument, and they pulled their coats more closely around them and moved on down the sidewalk.
“Thank you,” Harm signed.He hadn’t wanted to be rude, but he was about to close the door on them.
“It’s okay.I was on my way to get some dinner after work and saw you out here with them.I figured they must have gotten you out of a warm cocoon.”Harm smiled and nodded, motioning that he had been reading.“Of course you were.Did you have dinner already?”
Harm had been just about to get himself something to eat.He shook his head and looked down at how he was dressed, trying not to shiver.
“Do you want to join me?I was heading just down the street.Café Belgie is wonderful, and I love their food.”He smiled, and Harm wondered how he was going to communicate what he needed to.Harm motioned inside and closed the door.“Okay.Let’s handle this one thing at a time.Do you want to go?”Harm nodded.“Cool.Do you want to change?”
Harm was relieved that Derek understood, and he nodded once again before leading the way up the stairs.Derek followed him into his sparse apartment and stood inside the door.“You can go change.I’ll just stay out here and snoop through your stuff.”He snickered, and Harm snorted before going to his small bedroom.
He didn’t have much beyond the basics.In the military, he had little more than he could carry.Harm was never in one place for very long, and he was always careful never to collect things because, more often than not, he’d have to leave them behind.It was either that or store them.So he stuck to packing light.
Harm changed into some of his nicest clothes: a pair of tan pants and a dark blue oxford shirt.He dug up a nice pair of shoes and put them on before grabbing his coat.He didn’t have anything dressy, but Derek wasn’t wearing anything like that, so he figured he was okay.When he left his room, he found Derek sitting in his chair.He got right up and smiled.“You look nice.”
