“But you aren’t,” Derek told him.“You have a voice.Just because you might use your hands or a phone, doesn’t mean you need to stay silent.Your ideas come through, and it may not be your actual voice I hear when I read the texts, but I hear one, and it’s my voice for you.I know it isn’t the one you used to have, but it’s still yours.”He leaned against Harm and sighed softly.“I know you wish you could talk, and I wish that for you too.But it doesn’t diminish who you are.In my opinion it makes you stronger.”He turned to look at Harm, who blinked at him.“Losing something like your voice, your sight, or your hearing is hard.You know what you’re missing.Suzanne has never heard a word in her life.”
“Does she wish she could hear?”Harm signed.
“I don’t know.It’s like she told me once.She can’t miss what she’s never known.Not being able to hear has always been part of her life, so in her mind, she isn’t missing anything.She is who she is.And the man right here, right now, is you.I know it sounds stupid, but I care for you, the whole you, as you are.”
Harm smiled.
“But I get that it’s natural to want.”
“I suppose it’s all those steps of grief.I have to mourn what isn’t there anymore.”
Derek knew that was it exactly.“So you go ahead and do it.It’s perfectly natural, so don’t beat yourself up over it.”
Harm bit his lower lip.“But what if it’s too much and you get tired of all this?”
And there was the heart of the issue.Harm was afraid that Derek was going to get tired of him.
“What if this is all too much?It almost is for me.But what about you?I can’t speak and I never will.It’s going to take months or years for me to learn sign language, and then once I do, you will spend the rest of the time we have together interpreting for people who don’t understand it.It’s going to get to be a pain in the ass, and then that will be the end of it.I can’t expect you to do that forever.No one should.”
“Hey, just relax and don’t think about it that hard.Life happens one day at a time, not in week, month, or year chunks.There are people in town you can talk with besides me, and I can tell you from years of experience that me talking while I’m signing is no big deal.I do it all the time.Sign interpreting has become almost second nature.It was for everyone in my family because it was what we did for Suzanne when the situation required it.”
Harm huffed and sat up, the covers pooling around his waist.“But I don’t want that.I don’t want to have to rely on you or anyone to speak for me.I want someone who I can be equals with, and it doesn’t feel that way.”He sent the message and then rolled his eyes, and Derek read it before lowering his gaze back to the phone.“I sound like a real whiner and I need to stop it.I’m lucky to be here at all.They said if the injury would have been just a little worse, I’d have bled out and there would be nothing that they could have done.”He set the phone on the side table, and Derek saw the steel return to Harm’s gaze.
Derek didn’t feel like there was anything more he could do.Suzanne prized her independence and had fought to keep it on multiple occasions.She even fought their parents more than once.So why would he expect anything different from Harm?He slipped off the robe and got back into bed.It seemed like this conversation was over for now, and Derek was happy about that.He’d learned that people like Harm and Suzanne needed to come to conclusions about their lives on their own.It didn’t matter if someone else saw what they didn’t.They needed to figure it out, maybe make a mistake or two, and then reach their own conclusions.
He rested against Harm and let their warmth take over.He didn’t want to talk.Hell, he didn’t want to do anything other than turn and kiss him, which he did.Harm closed his arms around him, and Derek pressed to him, passion building from deep inside once more, and he was more than happy to add as much kindling as possible.
AT SOMEpoint in the night, Derek woke knowing something was wrong.He nudged Harm, who snuffled next to him.“There’s someone downstairs,” he whispered.
Harm was out of the bed and had his pants on in seconds without making a sound.It was damned impressive.Harm pointed toward the bathroom, and when Derek hesitated, he pointed again.Derek got out of bed, pulled on his robe, and went inside, closing the bathroom door and locking it from the inside.Then he closed the toilet lid and sat down, listening for any sort of sound.
He heard nothing through the door and hoped Harm was going to be okay.Whoever was down there wanted something.Derek’s mind went to William, but he had to wonder if he would be dumb enough to actually break in.That would give the police a reason to arrest him, and with the complaints already on file, things would not go well for him.It would also make it easy for Derek to get a restraining order as well as to testify about his past obsessive behavior.Derek stood and went to the door, listening as closely as he could, but there was nothing at all.
A thud reached his ears, and he hoped Harm wasn’t hurt.He unlocked the door and cracked it open, listening intently.It wasn’t like Harm could call up and tell him things were okay.And for that matter, if Harm was hurt, he couldn’t call for help.
A knocking downstairs pulled his attention.Three taps and then a pause, followed by the same pattern, over and over.Derek hoped that meant that it was safe to come out.Slowly he descended the stairs, peering into the living room, where Harm had a man on the floor, arms pulled behind him.“I’ll call the police,” Derek said and raced back upstairs.He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and dialed 911, telling them that someone had broken into his home and that his boyfriend had caught them and had him in custody.
“Harm is former military.He has him under control.But please get someone here right away.”Derek stayed on the line with the operator.
“Can you put me on speaker so I can talk with him?”
“I can, but Harm isn’t able to speak.He can listen, but that’s all.”He put the phone on speaker, and the operator asked if the man on the ground was breathing.
“Jesus, get this man off me,” he yelled.
“Do you have your answer?That is the thief.”
“This guy is huge,” he added.“I think he’s trying to break my arm.”
Derek stood in the doorway.“If Harm wanted to break your arm, it would be shattered already.So pipe down, and you can tell your pathetic story to the police.They are on their way.”He wanted this slime out of his house as soon as possible.
Sirens sounded, and Derek opened the front door, letting the police inside.“What happened?”the officers asked Harm as they rushed in past him.
Derek huffed.“I heard someone downstairs, and Harm went down to investigate.”He sighed when an officer took charge of the intruder.
The officer looked right at Harm, and when he didn’t speak, his expression changed and it was not complimentary.Derek growled before hurrying up the stairs, grabbing Harm’s phone.When he returned, he handed it to Harm.
“Derek heard something downstairs first.Then I heard it.I have military training, so I went down to investigate.”Derek read the texts as they came through.“Sorry, Harm isn’t able to speak, so he’s texting me what he wants to say.”
