They shouldn’t be surprised I didn’t come. It’s why when I texted Alysa I wouldn’t be there, all she said was ‘okay’.
Okay…
Beep. Beep.
Tears blanket down my temples as I stare up at the ceiling. I’m never getting out of this. I’m stuck, now more than ever.
I should just come to the realization that I’ll never spend another holiday with anyone but Michael. No, not even just the holidays.
I’d tried to book a trip to Arizona early this year, where Alysa told me Keoni was. He would understand and protect me.
No, he wouldn’t.He’d see you as a weak excuse for aman.
It didn’t matter. Michael demanded to tag along, and even if I wanted to dare bring him with me, the thought of bringing that drama to Keo’s doorstep had me canceling.
He then thought I was cheating because why wouldn’t I still want to go… I wish I had the guts to do it. To cheat on him. Maybe the person I fucked around with would save me from him.
My life is not my own, and it feels more so that way now than it has ever before.
Beep. Beep.
Merry fucking Christmas to me.
Present
I think I’d have preferred the look of judgment over what Keoni’s giving me now. It’s the face of defeat. I haven’t seen it much—he rarely loses at anything—but when it spreads across his handsome features, it’s unmistakable.
I don’t know how many relationships Keoni has had, but he has a way of reading my discomfort.
For the past several weeks, all I wanted was for him to just sayfuck itand kiss me. These past few hours, however? I haven’twanted it at all.
As I recounted the last six years with Michael, I think Keoni considered it. But every time I mentioned something traumatic or an argument with my ex and how he would use kissing and touching me as a lever to shut me down, Keoni simply paced the kitchen instead.
It’s maddening how I could swear he was the person I was meant to be with. Likehewas my soulmate and always had been, but fate had other plans, tying our parents together instead.
I’ve often wondered if they hadn’t got together, would either of us have made the move on the other?
I think so. The thought lingers at the forefront of my mind. Had our parents never fallen in love, and allowed us to, I’d likely have never met Michael.
While I try not to let my crazy ex’s words affect me, his comments about me being sick for pining over my stepbrother hit right in the heart. What would Alysa think? Our grandparents?
His friends? What would they think if they found out we are—were—stepbrothers?
This is a small town. People talk.
What about his job…
Life is so goddamn cruel.
We’ve been silent since I finished recounting the accident in as much detail as I could remember. How my recovery went. How I’d done it alone because Michael wanted to remind me I couldn’t do anything without him.
How I ended up telling Alysa, and she told Dad. He came to see me but couldn’t stay to take care of me. I imagine that during this year’s holidays, they would have told Keoni.
I wonder if he’d have come to see me.
Suppose it’s useless to ask—I’m here with him now.
“I wish you’d asked for my number from Alysa.”
