I pause briefly, before responding, “It just doesn’t feel right when anyone else says it but my mom… and you.”
A thoughtful hum escapes him before he leans against my arm. “Makes sense,” he murmurs.
I don’t breathe.
I sure as shit don’t move.
This is fine. Right? I’ve seen him and Alysa cuddle up on the couch before. I’ve never had siblings until now, so I can take a cue from them…
Except I’m certain his sister doesn’t get butterflies like this.
Maybe I’m just tired—or at least that’s what I’ll blame if this ever comes up—because instead of pulling away, I shift my arm to rest over his shoulder toholdhim. He then leans into my chest, eyes still forward.
I’m glad he isn’t on my left. My heart would absolutely betray how calm I’m pretending to be.
This is my last year in this house before college. I’ve already signed with Arizona State, and soon I’ll be moving. I’ll only see Ayden during summers, and maybe around the holidays. I can move on from these feelings I shouldn’t have for my stepbrother.
Still, something tugs at the strings of my heart. I fear a life without Ayden will be hollow.
That thought hurts, but for now, I’ll let myself enjoy this happiness I can’t find anywhere else.
18
Iwasn’t completely better by the time he went back to work, but I told him not to worry. I could walk up and down the stairs and keep food down, though I still felt weak. After a near fight, he finally left for his shift yesterday.
I’ll admit, I haven’t slept very well since. He told me to sleep in his bed, and that we’d reevaluate the arrangement when he was off.
To keep myself busy and not thinking about sleeping with him, I’ve been going through our parents’ room. I made sure to ask Keo if it was alright first, texting him this morning to confirm. That’s also when I saw his late-night messages from when he rushed home, making sure I wasn’t dead. Or whatever worst-case scenario he’d imagined.
Keo
What? Lol
Ayden, what did you mean?
Missed call from: Keo
Answer the phone. Are you alright?
Was that code for something?
Missed call from: Keo
This isn’t funny.
Please be alright. I’m coming home.
God, he was so worried, and when I tell you my heartneededthat, it really did.
Hey, is it alright that I start clearing out our parents’ room?
Keo
Yeah, but don’t exert yourself. You should go for a walk.
Is that an order?
You need fresh air. I guarantee you’ll feel better.
