I hadn’t seen my dad or stepmom since February, when I was finally starting to heal from the accident. If I’d told them sooner, I know they would have come to see me earlier… but I just couldn’t find the strength to bring it up.
They were the epitome of ideal parents. I may not have known Leilani my whole life, but it felt like it. She filled the gapmy alcoholic, biological mother made. Loving both Alysa and myself like we wereherkids. It wasn’t hard to say yes when she asked to adopt us just a year after marrying our dad.
As for him, he was the best father figure we could have asked for. I’ve definitely disappointed him at times, but he never showed it when we spoke or saw each other. Now, he’ll probably watch me spiral from Heaven, and all the shame I’ve been hiding will be laid bare—bright as a blank canvas—for him to see.
Great.
I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling, just as boarding for group one is called.
It feels like my life is stuck in low gear, but the world around me just keeps moving at full speed. I’d love to blame it on the accident that nearly tookmylife, but it’s been this way for so long.
“Now boarding group two.”
I’m hoping that this trip heals me in some way.
“Now boarding group three.”
But knowing me, the moment I land, I’ll just do as I have done: smile and pretend that everything’s okay. It’s what everyone expects of me. Plus, I can’t show up like I’ve got all the problems in the world.
I’m going to a funeral, after all.
“Final boarding call.”
I stand up and walk to the attendee who smiles at me. There’s a hint of irritation in the small lines between her brows.
“Have a safe flight,” she says as she scans my boarding pass.
The soft thump of my carry-on is muffled quickly by the hum of the airplane. The scent of asphalt and jet fuel assaults my senses before I step onto the plane, and turn down the singular aisle.
It’s such a disassociating feeling. Time. I swear I’m too young to feel like this, at merely twenty-seven. As though I’m standing still while the clock rushes forward.
As I take my premium seat, 6A, with no one beside me because that seat was bought too, I prepare for takeoff.
He’d booked the flight, putting us at the bulkhead so that I could stretch out. Although I’m not super tall, standing at six-foot exactly, it’s nice to be able to. Since the accident, my left leg needsto be stretched or my hip locks up. Physical therapy has helped tremendously, but there are just some things that haven’t fully healed.
Just like my damn heart.
Pathetic.
I look at the empty seat beside me where Michael would’ve sat. It’s void of a passenger as I hear the plane door close tight. I can hear his condescending voice.“Think of it this way, now you’ll have the full row to yourself. You’re welcome.”
Right. Thankssoooomuch.
I take out my headphones, place them into my ears, open the window shade, and lean against the cabin wall. No music plays, but I turn on the noise-cancelling and listen to what I’d call a noisy quiet.
There’s still sound, but it’s muted, as if silence is trying to break through.
It’s quite poetic, really, even if that’s the last thing I am.
Maybe it’s more tragic.
I let out a sigh, one filled with contempt. I’ll get through this. I have to. I can’t be the twin who loses their mind—Alysa would never let me live it down.
The moment the plane begins to taxi backward, I take a deep breath.
See you soon, Dad. For the last time.
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