“Oh, I swear I’m not that slow. I’m a true redhead, this isn’t dye. I’m not a blonde.”
“Wait, didn’t your name start with an ‘A’ or something?” he hums in thought.
I swallow roughly. Fucking small towns. Do they know of Ayden? How?
“No, no,” Kali hums. “You’re thinking of Alysa. That was their daughter. You must be her stepbrother.”
Maybe they don’t know of Ayden…
“I remember Mrs. Grant talking about you. You look like her, now that I think about it. The nose and hair.”
“Don’t check out your co-worker, Taylor.”
We all fall into a small fit of laughter, and I cross my leg over one knee, and release a sigh. “I’d put in the transfer before the accident.” I move us on, but the same burning wave of guilt claws at my chest, sharp and insistent. It feels like acid eating at the edges of my composure, and I clear my throat, forcing it under control for the time being. “Maricopa County was nice, but I’ll take the cooler climate.”
“I’m glad you didn’t say less work. The wildfires these past couple of years have been insane. Thankfully, all manageable,” Corey hums. “My parents knew your dad. My mom has health issues, and spends a lot of time in the hospital. Grant was amazing.”
“So was Leilani,” Kali says somberly. “They were always volunteering for our food drives.” She smiles and it’s genuine. I give her one back while nodding.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Taylor adds.
“Thanks,” is all I offer. I’d figured anyone who knew me, or even just my last name, would shower me with sympathy, but I don’t want it. I don’t deserve it. Not from them, not from anyone.
Corey clears his throat. “Anyway… We should go to sleep, can’t be up too late.”
There’s a light pause just before the girls burst out laughing.
“Alright, guy who showers at two in the morning—forwhat?!”
This is exactly why I love the job. It’s about keeping people safe, yes, but it’s also this camaraderie you don’t get in a corporate setting—or really in most other careers. I’ll be putting my life on the line with these three, and with our fire chief, Dom.
As the conversation drifts, I try to concentrate, but when it shifts away from my last station, my mind wanders. Not toward the dark parts, thankfully, but toward Ayden.
I glance over my shoulder through the glass doors at the lockers. He has to be asleep by now.
Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if Mom hadn’t met Grant. Although I know there’s no point in imagining an alternate story, it’s possible things would’ve been different. Both Ayden and I were already in the same high school, and I was already drawn to him
To be fair, I don’t even know what I saw in him back then. I’m not the “instantly attracted” type. I wasn’t interested inanyone, inanycapacity beyond friendship.
Not with him, though. I remember how my heart felt when I saw him on that field.
Ayden was the complete opposite of me. Loud, chaotic—a pocket of sunshine and a pure conundrum. Straight-A student, yet constantly in trouble for silly things. I swore he did it all for attention, and at one point, I thought maybe it was mine he was seeking.
Alysa wasn’t shy about her attraction to me, but she backed off once our parents married. I found it endearing, and honestly, a compliment.
However, with Ayden, it was different. It was impossible not to feel anything but need for him… even when it was too late for me.
9
Age 15
“Nice tackle there, 80!”
I tuck my helmet under my arm before running my fingers through my hair, scratching at my scalp. My hairband snapped taking it off, and because I’m the only player with hair that rivals the opposite gender, I’m out of luck.
Well, not entirely. We are just breaking for the third quarter, and I’m trudging my way down the sidelines toward our cheer squad.
“You’ve got to bring extras, my man,” my friend Tyler, who happens to be our starting quarterback, says while patting my back roughly enough I feel it through my gear. “Or have the girls braid it. Amber has beendyingto get her hands on you.”
