“What?” My voice shakes.
“Michael wasn’t driving, the police report says you were.”
My heart rate spikes, and the quickening beeps of the monitor only feed my panic.
“No. I-I wasn’t. I never drive. I don’t… No, that’s not right!”
My breathing quickens, a panic attack closing the distance to the calm I’m desperate to hold on to. It feels impossible, with thoughts of what this could mean for me. I’d finally landed the schedule I’d begged for, was on the brink of a promotion, and preparing to move. Icannotget a DUI.
“Relax, Ayden, it’s going to be alright. I believe you. We’ll get this figured out.”
“Where’s Mike? Ask him. He’ll tell you.”
His face falls, and dread, pain, and anguish wash over me like a wildfire no one, including myself, can contain. “He confirmed you were driving. He’s reached out to his dad, and said he’d be back when he can.”
His dad’s the chief of the SFPD, and truthfully, the last person I want helping in this situation.
“Was anyone else involved? Was it just us?”Goddammit, this cannot be happening.
“Just you guys. You swerved off the road”—my temples pulse painfully—“went over the curb, and smashed into a pole…” His voice trails off as darkness seeps in from the corners of my vision. Everything in front of me sharpens to a pinpoint—until all that’s left are the backs of my eyelids.
I can’t believe I’m this incapable of catching a break. What did I do to deserve not even a moment of peace in nearly eight years?
What thefuckam I going to do?
1
Nine Months Later
The deep set of his eyes as he pulls away isn’t from sadness or concern for me. He’s upset I’ve decided to go, and he knows this time he can’t fight me on it.
I know it’s strange, but I love the smell of the airport—the cool, filtered air with its faint metallic tang, laced with jet fuel and cleaning products. It makes me think of anywhere but home.
Home. I haven’t had one in what feels like forever, and now, more than ever, the absence aches; especially knowing where I’m heading.
“Sorry I can’t come,” Michael says as he places his hand onto my cheek. “They’ve wanted to up the force with all of the riots happening… You get it.”
Nodding, I force a smile. I never wanted him to come with me, but he playacted otherwise untilyesterday.I’m sure he was hoping I’d beg him to come, but I’m perfectly capable of traveling, and more importantly, of being without him.
The edge of his lip curls, lifting his deep ebony cheek. His darkbrown eyes search mine, and I can’t tell if he wants me to speak or stay silent. I’m not going to argue with him about coming, it’s for the best.
Alysa will be meeting me at the airport in Colorado, anyways. And shehatesMichael.
His gaze shifts between mine, and our silence makes me increasingly uncomfortable. I don’t even register the announcements; it’s like my ears are plugged.
“I understand,” I finally say as several travelers begin to brush against us.
San Francisco International is one of the busiest airports in the United States, second to Newark. People have been bumping into us trying to get to the security line for the few minutes we’ve been standing here, but now they’re beginning to crowd us.
“When you get back, we can talk about us. Alright?”
I nod again. “Sure. I’ll call you once I land.”
“Just text me, I’m sure you’ll be tired.”
He leans in toward me just as I pretend to reach down for my bag. I’m grateful when he stops and steps back, though I’m sure he’ll comment on it later. I’m not in the mood for a public display of affection, and if I don’t reciprocate, it’ll spark a fight I want to avoid.
Plus, we aren’t together right now or anything. I’m not entirely sure why he would even attempt to kiss me.
