“I can’t… take anymore guilt… I can’t.”
“You aren’t guilty of anything. Thisisn’tyour fault.”
“Who’s to blame, then?” He turns his head, red-rimmed eyes locking onto mine. They’re so intense, a stark contrast to the gentle tone in his voice. “If I hadn’t made the call… he could still be here… If I had just been… home…”
I’m not entirely sure what he means. It was his night to work—shift changes or not, it happened on a Tuesday.
“Keo, it’s… not okay. It won’t be okay for a long time.”
His shoulders drop, as if ready to defend or argue, but he doesn’t. It’s not alright. I feel this ache for everyone but no one more than him.
“It’ll hurt, but I’m here for you… as you’ve been for me.” I grip tightly to the umbrella and bring my opposite hand to his neck. “Let me be your anchor.”
His hand is behind my neck, pulling me into a hug so quickly I drop the umbrella. The sudden downpour pelts us, cold and unrelenting, but his warmth blankets me like the sun. He presses his forehead to my shoulder and shifts, pulling me even closer.
My knees dig into the muddy ground between his spread thighs as I lean fully into his embrace.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, not with me,” I whisper.
“Don’t let me push you away,” he murmurs. “I can’t lose youagain.”
I pull him tighter, gripping his jacket and shaking my head. “I’m here, Keo. No matter the obstacles we face. We’ll do it together.”
Just as he’s physically here to protect me, I’ll guard his mind. We’ll fit together, even if our pieces have been misshaped and mishandled. Over time, they’ll form a perfect picture—one that only he and I can create.
32
My head doesn’t feel screwed on right. These past three weeks have slipped by in a blur, and the same guilt I carried for my mom and Grant has clawed its way back to the front of my mind.
Everywhat ifplays on repeat.
Pushing Ayden away was never my intention, but how could anyone forgive me?
It’s this fucked-up part of my brain; one side fighting to give up, the other clinging to survival. The war is constant, and exhausting. I’d rather charge into a burning building than face the broken battlefield of my own head.
However, now I have to, because I have him. Exactly what I’ve wanted since the first day I saw him on the football field in high school. The world keeps hurling every obstacle it can at us, and I wonder if we’d have gotten through any of them without each other.
A heavy weight presses down onto my chest, dragging me out of the haze. I blink a few times before realizing it isn’t inside myhead, but a real touch.
Ayden is leaning across the truck’s bench seat toward me. His hand rests between my pecs, like he’s trying to steady the heartbeat pounding beneath it.
I honestly don’t even remember walking over here… holy shit.
His voice is soft as he says, “Let me drive.”
My brows pull together, my head giving a weak, uncertain shake.
“You can’t.”
“I can. I’ll get us home.”
I glance over at him. There’s a small, gentle smile tugging at his lips.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, trust me.”
