“I’ve always thought that too. It’s how I came up with the catchphrase after theVoguearticle. I took your approach to business and applied it to my circumstances,” I say, standing taller than before.
“I was too closed-minded to see it before, but I can see that now. You’re a natural entrepreneur, like me,” he says. Then his smile falters. “Do you really not want to go to college?”
I shrug. I never planned on it, but I also didn’t plan on my social status tanking. So I’m not sure of anything at the moment.
He does a slight headshake. “I can’t say I understand it. I’ve accomplished so many things…except a college education. It’s the only thing I regret about my past.”
“You can still go. There’s no time limit on that.”
He swats the air with his hand. “I can see now that it wasn’t the college experience I wanted. It was what the degree symbolized. I thought I needed it to give me the credibility necessary to succeed in the business world. When I started It’s Ok!, I should have realized I was enough without it. But instead I passed my insecurity on to you and Gavin.”
“You? Insecure?”
He lets out a light laugh. “My insecurity comes from wanting to give you and Gavin the best possible lives.”
“I appreciate that, Dad. And I can see how much you sacrificed for us. But what I needed most was you. I needed to have a deep relationship with you to keep me grounded.”
He frowns. “Using my insecurities to fuel me is my best quality…and my worst. I wanted you and Gavin not to suffer in the same way your mom and I did. But in trying to achieve that, I neglected so many other things. I can’t change the past, but I can hope for a betterfuture. And if you tell me that college is not the best path for you, I’ll understand.” He pauses. “Maybe not right away, but I will,” he assures me.
“Thanks, Dad. I haven’t quite made up my mind, but it helps to know I have your support either way,” I say. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” It surprises me as much as it does Dad to hear my voice crack.
“Elena, I’m sorry.” It’s a simple statement, but coming from someone who isn’t used to expressing his emotions or admitting fault, it means a lot.
“I’m sorry too,” I say. We’ve both made mistakes.
We have a long road of healing ahead of us. But watching the care Dad puts into the land has shown me what he’s capable of. The fields are in good condition, the new crops are sprouting, and soon they will be thriving. As long as we’re willing to put the work into it, I know our relationship can flourish too.
—
When I get back into the house, it’s almost noon. Gavin opens the pantry and announces we’re out of food. Since it’s my fault I’ve made our family social outcasts in Blaire, I take it upon myself to go to the convenience store. As I approach the store, I’m surprised to see the paint job and roof completed. When did that happen? A second later I roll my eyes at myself. Just because my life came to an abrupt halt doesn’t mean everyone else’s did.
The door jangles when I open it, and I brace myself for whatever reaction people might have when they see me. Public stoning comes to mind. Thankfully the store is empty except for Hal. I zip through the aisles, placing eggs, milk, yogurt, and other items in my basket. I’m sure Gavin will be able to make something with these—that is,if he’s even in the mood to cook. Although he said some harsh things last night, I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. It was all true. And I’m still not sure he’s forgiven me for ruining things with Callie.
I place my groceries on the counter and bag the items after Hal rings me up. When I pay him, he hands me the receipt along with my change and one extra item I didn’t pay for.
“This isn’t mine.” I hold up the coffee with a cozy around the mug.
“It looked like you could use it.” His lip quirks ever-so-slightly. Finally I see it. This must be Hal’s happy face. “We all have bad days. The problem is trying to go back to something that’s not there. We just have to find a way to get through it.”
It’s this unlikely gesture from the person I least expected that gets me to break. I don’t deserve kindness from anyone here.
“I’m a selfish person.” I begin sobbing. “I ruined everything because I only cared about myself, and I hurt so many people. And now that the Blaire Fair isn’t happening, the town will never make enough money to—”
Hal stops me. “The Blaire Fair is still happening.”
I sniff, peering up at him. “What? How?”
Hal looks as confused as I am. “Don’t know. It just is.” He shrugs.
I recoil when I realize I made the mistake again of thinking I’m more important than I am. When am I going to get it through my thick head that the world does not revolve around Elena Ok?
“I haven’t heard any updates about the Blaire Fair. Then again, I guess that makes sense. After the way I treated everyone, I’d be mad at me too.” If I’m honest, I’m mad at myself.
“No one’s mad at you.”
I pause, unconvinced. “But I lied to everyone.”
“When the news reporters started showing up, it began to make sense why you couldn’t be completely honest with us. And it seemedunfair the way they were pawing after you, like you were sport. So we had to do something.”
