This right here was why 95 percent of the time I wanted to choke the fuck out of Raevan. I went to her doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago and I hadn’t heard from her stupid ass since. I’m not saying I wanted to talk to the broad every day, butdamn I still wanted to know how my fucking kid was doing. Shit, I mean if that was my fucking child. She was acting real fucking suspect, like maybe the baby wasn’t mine and her peoples wasn’t too hip to her ho ass ways. Either way it was I didn’t really have time to be doing this with her. Since I’ve been going to see my fine ass therapist I’ve lowkey come to the conclusion that my problems didn’t have a damn thing to do with me but everything to do with her. I also realized that I probably wasn’t ready to face them, but from what Ommy was saying I had no choice. If my poor ass excuse of a mother was in the city on an apology tour then that meant she wasn’t too far from my door. I probably wasn’t too ready for that considering I was just now facing it. Just now deciding to pay attention to the fact that much of my distrust stemmed from her disappointment at a young age. My therapist also told me that any relationship I started wouldn’t mean me or the other person any good because I was emotionally unavailable and I used sex/touch to make a person feel like I was there when really I didn’t know how to be there. That was some deep shit right there, but I had to beg to differ because how the fuck was I emotionally unavailable when I found myself feeling too damn much. She claimed that was my coping mechanism. Shorty could say what she wanted, but I knew better. Shit to be honest the only reason I hadn’t bailed and stopped showing up was because I liked to talk to her. Not only that but she also made smart sense. Like the shit that came out of her mouthmade complete and utter sense even though I didn’t agree with half of it. It didn’t help that she was beautiful, which made her easy to look at.
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing in my lap. I glanced down and saw that it was Namari calling me. I answered and put the phone on speaker before I allowed my eyes to go back to Rae’s job. Before my thoughts were filled with the psychobabble of my fine ass therapist I was contemplating going into Rae’s job and dragging her ass out by her fucking nose. Yeah, I was on that type of timing.
“I got those tapes and dropped them off to Teddy. I know for sure it was Req on the block, but I gotta get a name on the other character.”
“I get that. How do you wanna move it?”
“Whatever time you want to, but gimme some time to get that information from Teddy. The last thing I want to do is move prematurely and not get all of it.”
“Definitely. Just keep me updated.” I responded knowing exactly what he meant. When you removed a cancer from the body you removed the whole fucking thing and not just a piece of it.
“Bet.”
Once we hung up I was about to get out of the car and do my shit when I looked up and there she was standing at the door smiling in the UPS delivery nigga’s face.
I hopped out of the car.
When she saw me walking over toward them, her smile disappeared and I could see the apprehension enter her being.
“Knoxx it isn’t…” she started but stopped speaking abruptly.
“I don't really give a shit. What I give a fuck about is the fact that you are once again showing me that I can't trust you to do shit right. You are supposedly carrying my fucking child. But you don't have the decency to even communicate?”
She just looked at me. She was embarrassed and I could see it all in her eyes. “Knoxx I…” Again, she stopped speaking abruptly because I wasn't done talking.
“I'm tired of going back and forth with you. Either grow the fuck up and accept that I don't want you, but I'm going to be a father to this child or keep this shit up and I guarantee you won't like what I do next.” Once I was finished talking, I turned around, went back to my car, and pulled off. I had said all that I needed to say. The ball was now in her court.
Then, right after leaving her standing there, I pulled up to go see my fine ass therapist. It was the least I could do since it was shorty's job to fix me.
“Hell yeah. I pulled up to her job. What else should I have done, Doc?”
She just peered at me. “So this is normal? This burst of unprovoked anger.”
I turned my face up. “What about this was unprovoked? I asked her to communicate where my child is concerned, and in true Rae fashion, she did the complete opposite.”
“What about her, Knoxx? Didn't you say she was taking your breakup pretty bad? What if the space is for her to heal?”
“Heal. From what, Doc? She left me, she deceived me. I'm the one who should be healing, right?” I asked. For somebody with a Dr. in front of their name, shorty was damn sure slow at some point.
She pursed her lips. “What would you do if she didn't do what you asked?”
“Doesn't matter, because Rae isn't stupid enough to keep playing these games.”
The good doctor nodded her head before scribbling something down onto her papers. She did that shit a lot. Hell, sometimes she had me wondering what her notes said about me.
“What about you, Doc? What drove you to this profession?” I had to ask. After talking to this woman for weeks, I still didn't know the least bit about her personal life.
“Why would something have to drive me to this profession?”
“Because something always drives us all to where we end up in life.” I stared at her waiting for an answer. Something told me I wasn’t getting that answer. She’d be redirecting in no time.
She nodded. “That may very well be true, but we're not here to talk about me. We're here to talk about you, Mr. Jacobs.”
“I thought I told you to call me Knoxx.”
“And I thought I told you that I was calling you by what I've been calling you,” she countered.
“Suit yourself, next time I won't answer.” I shrugged my shoulders.
