“Lunarius, you are my daughter. Nothing with us will ever just be business. You being here moves something in me that hasn’t moved in years. Everything changes, and just like you need me I need you. This family is not whole without you. Give us a chance to show you how much we are all connected.”
I closed my mouth forcing myself to silence. I wasn’t getting back into this. This wasn’t my home and nothing in me was staying here. I meant what I was trying to say before he so rudely interrupted me.
“Yes, connected. Though we have all made mistakes and had lapses in judgments we are all family.”
I scoffed. Family my ass. Where was my family when it felt like my life was falling apart? Oh, the right family is the people who helped my family fall apart. Instead of arguing or going back and forth I thought about my purpose for being here. It was much greater than my rift. This was about me making sure my daughter didn’t have to suffer behind this damn family.
“So, who came after you?”
“I didn’t get that far. He came at me to draw in my place of business, so I had to neutralize him. Maybe I should’ve stayed back in Chicago to see who came looking for him.”
“Still trigger happy, I see.” There her voice was. The woman I used to want to be like, but now I despised the apparent weakness in her loins.
Before I could look in her direction she was in my face and pulling me into a hug. As much as I didn’t want to hug her, I still melted into her hug.
When we finally pulled back, she stepped to the side and saw exactly when she spotted my baby. She almost squealed, before kneeling down next to her. “She looks so much like you did at this age.”
I nodded but kept my attention on my father. I truly had nothing to say to my mother no matter how much I still loved her. It was possible that you could love a person from a distance. I loved her, but our whole dynamic was different, and I was okay with that. Of course, at first, I wasn’t because out of everyone I didn’t expect that from her. I didn’t expect to be shunned by my mother, but the fact that she did taught me a lot.
I listened to my father talk for a while before I was shown to my room where my child and I would be staying for the duration of our stay. I thought it would be my old bedroom, but instead It was the left quarter of the house. It used to belong to my grandmother, but she died, and it had been vacant ever since. I mean it has been a while since I was here, so maybe some things have changed. None of that mattered to me though because I meant exactly what I said. I wouldn’t be here long at all.
Once I laid my baby down, I went out onto the balcony staring out at the trees and nature for a while. At one point that used to be my favorite thing about this house’s location. It gave this beyond the gates feel. I used to wonder what I was there, but now knew and a small part missed not knowing what awaited. Then another part of me felt like it was necessary for me to put the pieces of my own life together. The vibration of my phone in my pocket broke my thought process. I knew who it was before I even pulled the phone out. It was Knoxx; the man I couldn’t stop leading on nor could I let go. I downplayed sex and time with him to myself out of defense. I had to protect myself from the pain that I went through last time. I mean I know Knoxx was no agent or any shit like that, but my heart had PTSD and it nor I were ready to give somebody access to us again. When I said us, I literally meant my heart and my head.
“Knoxx,” I finally answered the phone because at this point it was obvious, he wasn’t going to hang up.
“Don’t say my fucking name like that. Where the fuck are you?”
“Home. Well maybe not my real home but a home. I have som?—”
“Hell nah you aren’t. I just left there.” He sounded so freaking sexy over the phone I could just imagine the expression on his face.
“Not that home. I’m at my parents’ house. I’ll be here for a minute to figure out this bullshit.”
“And you couldn’t tell me that? You couldn’t pick up your phone and let a nigga know that you hopped a flight, a bus a plane a trai?—”
“I get it. My bad.” I was already apologizing, because though I owed him nothing, he was entitled to feel a way about my sudden unavailability.
“Nah, you don’t get it and I’m lowkey tired of trying to explain it to you. Safe travels and handle yo’ shit I’ll be around.” Before I could even ask him what he meant my phone indicated that he’d hung up on me.
Knoxx was different from any man I had ever dealt with, because he didn’t hide his emotions or lack communication skills. If anything, he communicated better than me, and I didn’t know how to take that. I mean I appreciated it, but I didn’t know what to do with it. I started to call him back, but I quickly decided against it. My pride wouldn’t let me call and apologize to him the right way. My pride wouldn’t even allow me to explain to him why I was so guarded and fucked up. It was my pride that kept landing me in this fucked up place with him.
Knoxx
When I hung up on Luna, I told myself that was the last time I was hitting her line. I was low-keyboard tired of her acting like she didn’t know shit and no bullshit the guarded shit was getting old. I mean fuck it we all had guarded moments, but damn. Shorty was like a brick wall that was tuck pointed to the fucking gods. I didn’t have time for that shit at all. As soon as I looked up from my phone my eyes landed on the lil’ nigga who the streets said shot my cousin. I wasn’t one of those niggas whobroadcasted my moves, I did shit on the low and asked questions later. Her nigga said he had it, and I had talked to him earlier this week. I told him I’d handle old boy’s transportation and that all he needed to do was give me a destination. The number one rule on a hit was to never brag on that shit, because a nigga felt comfortable it was always somebody like me lurking in the shadows. I lived to catch dumb ass niggas lacking and this young one standing outside of the corner store was no different. Old boy better have been lucky that I didn’t ram his ass with my car outside of the store. I swear I had half a mind to do it, but dead niggas didn’t spill their guts.
I watched him all the way until he looked like he wasn’t going anywhere. He just stood there soliciting the people driving by with his lil’ dime bags of weed. I questioned how a nigga could go around claiming a drive by then be on foot like nothing transpired. That was some dumb shit. Who would I not be if I didn’t teach him a lesson on it? After watching his every move, I pulled away from where I was parked to the corner where he was.
I stopped in front of him, and immediately he approached my car even though he couldn’t see who was in the car because my windows were tinted. By the time I raised the windows down for him it was too late because I had my gun raised and aimed directly at his head.
“Get yo’ bitch ass in the car. If you even think about running I’ma put yo ass on page three of the paper and channel seven of the news.”
Immediately he threw his hands up in surrender. “I…I don’t know anything, big homie.”
“Did I ask you what you knew? I told you to get your muffin head ass in this car. Now hurry the fuck up before I end this shit for you right now.”
He didn’t say another word, instead he got his bitch ass in the car. The moment he sat down I whacked him across the head twice with the butt of the gun. When he was out cold I pulled off from the curb toward the location that Namari had sent me. I wasn’t worried about him waking up or anything because it wasn’t a long ride and I wouldn’t hesitate to blow his fucking face off.
The ride was smooth and before I knew it I was pulling into a garage on the upper part of the east side. After that things seemed to happen fast. Namari had two big burly niggas pulled old boy out of my front seat and carried him toward the back of the shop, while Namari met me at my door.
