“What if I don’t say that? What I…” my sentence trailed off the moment he found his hand in my shorts.
“You’re gonna say it, because you’re wet as a motherfucker and you want me to replace my hand with this dick.”
I moaned the moment he started massaging my bulb. He knew what he was starting. Which meant he was about to fuck up my productivity for the rest of the day.
Namari
From the moment I saw that expression on Surah’s face I knew that I had to handle this shit. I could no longer allow patience to take the wheel. I had to mash the gas and put that patience shit in the back. I didn’t have the facts, but I wanted the head of every nigga in his crew. I could taste the fucking blood, but for tonight I had to play it cool and not let my baby see the demon ready to come out. I needed her to see that I was straight so that she was, because if she even sensed that as nigga was off she’d be around here worrying. I didn’t need that. I needed her cool as a fucking cucumber.
“Are you sure you’re fine?” Her voice broke my thoughts.
“Hell yeah. It wouldn’t be a normal day in Chicago if some goofy ass nigga didn’t do some dumb shit. This shit is over like yesterday, so ain’t nothing to stress yo’self over.” I rested my hand on her thigh as I drove in the direction of my brother’s crib.
“Okay.”
I felt her eyes on me for a while longer before I began to drift back into my thoughts. I had to move with precision and not give these bum ass niggas no more room to breathe. I wantedtheir money and their lives at this point. The last I heard Requ and his lil’ niggas ran weed a few blocks from where Kasey’s youngins moved. I wanted that whole fucking block hot because no money meant no eating. Niggas was going to starve, I just had to execute. I decided not to tell my brother about my moves, because he worried about every fucking thing, and always wanted to take the high road. When North left the streets, he really left the streets, because if he was in these motherfuckers he would’ve known that there was absolutely no fucking high road. It was either six feet under in a box or to hell with the rest of the hood niggas who didn’t stand down. Basically either death or straight up retaliation.
The ride to my brother’s house was about fifteen minutes maybe twenty tops since he too lived out here in the fucking boondocks. The thing is he lived in a more populated part of it though. It was so populated that a person could trick themselves into thinking it was the city when we all knew it wasn’t. The space was nice, but it was still just too full for me. See I didn’t really like people. I liked being able to be as loud as I wanted to with my music and shit because my closest neighbors were in the trees too focused on nuts.
“Where do you want to go for our trip?” I asked when we reached my brother’s block. I need to change her mood and show her that I wasn’t thinking about that so she didn’t need to be. The fact of the matter was that I was, but she didn’t need to know that.
“Somewhere tropical so that the sand can be between my toes.”
“Dirty feet ass. The fuck you want sand between your toes for?” I asked with my face all frowned up.
“Because it’s calming and relaxing. Just think about it and stop being so closed-minded, Mr. Gyro burger.” She was alwaysjudging my burger, but when I let her try that motherfucker one day she was hooked talking about one more bite.
“It’s Gyro. Like the currency. Euro.”
“Same difference. You know what I meant asshole.”
A little while after dinner I found myself standing out on the back burning one while everybody else sat in and talked shit. I had never seen this side of my brother, which meant he was really settling into this thing that he had with Ommy. I liked that on him and hoped to God he didn’t do anything else to fuck it up.
For most of the night I tried my darndest to keep my head here, but it didn’t stay. Shit, the way I was feeling was evident.
“What do you wanna do right now, bro?” Kasey asked. I had given him the rundown of what happened in the mall today.
“I want hell to rise, but I need to know all parties involved. I wanna know what ev?—”
“And on my mama nigga you’ll know. We’re gonna handle all this shit and not a soul will know what hit them because it’ll be that fast. Comfort sis, and don’t worry about any of this street level shit. When the time comes, be around your phone.
“Bet.”
When I hung up with Kasey I just stood outside for a moment. I needed to breathe a little and not think about everything. There had to be such a thing as secondhand posttraumatic stress disorder, because on my life I felt my heart strings tighten every time some shit didn’t look right with Surah.
“Are you good out here?” I expected it to be my brother behind me, but when I turned around I locked eyes with Knoxx. Before I started fucking with Surah I knew of him, because we ran in the same circles and found ourselves chilling at the samespaces from time to time but that was it. There was no beef or anything, niggas was just busy and focused on the paper. Plus he gave a nigga North vibes. He was the old head type if you asked me.
“Thinking.” I held out the blunt for him to grab and he accepted.
“I meant to talk to you about something.” He pulled from the blunt a few times before handing it back to me.
I nodded for him to go on.
“For as long as I can remember Surah and Omyia have been my responsibility, and I’ve taken care of any of the shit they’ve dealt with. I know you’re probably tryna deal with whomever took those shots, but I want in.”
I nodded my head. “Enough said. That’s your blood and you’re right. Niggas gonna die behind that. I kept it cool making sure she was good and shit, but it’s definitely about that time.” I turned around and looked at baby girl through the window. She was laughing and joking with Ommy in the living room. Surah was proof that perfection existed in this flawed ass world. She was what shined through when the dark and fog were threatening to take over. She was my peace in the most disastrous moments and she didn’t even know that. When they said she coded not once but twice I felt life slipping from my own body, because in that moment I would’ve gladly switched places with her. I would’ve gladly took those bullets for her, but time didn’t stand still and niggas really almost took mine from me.
When I walked back in the house Surah was no longer in the kitchen. Ommy said she had gone up to the room. Instead of staying downstairs I went to find her. When I did find her she was lying across the bed in the dark. That only meant one thing. She was in some sort of pain. Surah wasn’t the type to sit around people and be in pain. She’d isolate and deal with it on her own until she was feeling better.
