“Everything.”
“Everything like what?” she asked.
My hand found its way over to her flat abdomen and just rested there. It rested on top of the temporary home of the child I put in there. “Our future and everything that I need to handle to make sure we’re good.”
She didn’t respond and I didn’t press her to, because I knew she was lowkey still in her head about us. I couldn’t force her to see where I was coming from or process our situation at my speed. I knew what I wanted, but maybe she didn’t know that. Afterall she probably didn’t know it because I didn’t voice how I felt about much. None of that was through any fault of hers. I learned early in life that talking about my feelings didn’t do much of anything for me. So, I got used to not talking about them, instead I relied heavily on my actions and noted how they changed things. Regardless of anything I knew at some point I’dhave to tell her how I felt. She deserved it. The problem is I didn’t know how, but I couldn’t let that aid me in missing out on what my future probably held with this woman. I had to get my shit together so that we stayed together.
“Ommy, are you cooking tonight? Or are we eating out?” Niema asked from the back seat. She took our mother’s passing better than I expected. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t seen her since she was like twelve and even then, it was her at the lounge begging for money. Niema didn’t really recognize her until she started screaming telling her who she was. Baby girl was traumatized and had nightmares for weeks after the ordeal. Mari and I had to take shifts at her bedside after that shit.
“I don’t know yet. What do you have a taste for?”
After everything happened in the city with Namari and Surah, I didn’t really give Ommy a chance or choice to fight me on her staying out this way. Neither her brother nor her father stayed in the city, so I questioned why she stayed. Then when she couldn’t give me a good enough answer, I didn’t give her leeway to reject my offer to have her and little man come stay with me and Niema. The fucked up thing is now I’d gotten so used to her living with me I don’t know if I could ever let her go back to her place.
“We’re stopping by your pops’ place to get Ssiah, right?” I questioned knowing the exit that separated us from her father’s house and mine was coming up.
“Yeah, then what do you want to eat?”
“Doesn’t matter, Avery. Do you feel like cooking or no?—”
“Can we have those things you made the first week you got here? It’s like a folded taco with sour cream already in it.” Niema loved Omyia’s cooking. She got geeked as hell when she saw Ommy in the kitchen.
“Um yeah, as long as you’re helping, and your brother stops at the grocery store.”
“Well, you can count that as a no because shorty can’t stay out of her phone if you paid her to.” I chuckled.
“That’s not true. Watch me, I’m going to help.”
I didn’t believe her, but I nodded my head. “We’ll see shorty. When you slip out to go to the washroom and be there for forty-five minutes we’ll see.”
The car erupted in laughter because we all knew what I was saying was true. Niema was a teenager, which meant 99 percent of her time was spent on that damn phone. I hated it, but per Namari we ought to be grateful that it was her phone and not something else.
Ommy decided we should go to the grocery store before picking up Ssiah, because she claimed I was going to grab him all the snacks he wanted if he came with us. She was right, but him not being here didn’t stop the show, because I was still going to grab all the snacks that he would’ve asked for had he been here. I almost got away with it until shorty walked up and caught me putting those limited-edition marshmallow Oreos in the cart. I couldn’t help but shrug when she shook her head at me. This was the type of shit that I could get used to. It was less about the actions and more about the feelings that accompanied this thing between the two of us.
The sound of Omyia’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “No, I’m good but thanks for offering though,” I heard her say. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn’t even realized that she was no longer in the same aisle as me.
“Nah, but I could take care of that for you shorty. I’ll walk you and your things over to wherever you left your cart.” When Ifinally turned the corner into the isle she was in, I spotted some corny ass nigga all in her face and way too close for my comfort.
“Didn’t I tell you no the first few times? Go find your produce and get out of my face, please.”
I pushed the cart up near where she was standing holding the can goods, then walked over and grabbed them from her hands. I put what she had in our cart, before I looked up and saw that old boy was gone. I wasn’t going to say shit to him if anything I was going to let him keep trying to shoot his shot. Nothing about me was insecure and I also knew I didn’t have one of those women who smiled all in niggas faces. She wasn’t overly mean, but shorty was firm when she said shit. She was firm enough that it didn’t take for me to tell old boy to get lost, he just did it himself.
“I think I’m done here. Do you want to keep sneaking things for Ssiah, or are you done as well?”
I laughed. “I wasn’t sneaking shit.”
“Yeah right. What do you call tossing it in the cart when I’m not looking?”
“How was I supposed to know that you weren’t looking? Ain’t nobody watching you that hard. Now c’mon I’m tryna get home and get out of this shit.” She was right but I wasn’t about to tell her that.
Namari
When I left my mother’s burial I went home. Not only the physical home, but also the home that I’d build inside of another. Not a moment went by that I didn’t think about how I almost lost that home. I almost lost her and that tore me up inside.
Blood was everywhere, it was coming out of her mouth and all of the holes in her body. I didn’t know what to do, but I had to get her to the hospital as fast as possible. I needed her to make it through this.
“Run the fucking light, Kasey!” Aura yelled at his brother. They were both in the back seat while I sat in the back cradling Surah’s body against mine. I needed her to make it through this, but it didn’t look good. Blood was everywhere and she kept trying to talk.
“You gotta stop talking, baby girl.”
