“Yours too, nigga. Now go rehire him with a bonus, bitch.”
We both laughed because we both knew that wasn’t happening. Namari and I talked shit and ate for the next hour and a half before it was time to get down to business. He wanted to go half on investing in a business together. It wasn’t that he wanted to be a business owner or anything of that nature. We both just needed clean money to wash our dirty money. We had planned almost everything out, now it was time to execute and get this show on the road.
Chapter Seven
Ommy - Months Later
Icould feel my father’s eyes on me the entire time I moved around my kitchen. He never forced me to talk, or even hovered. He just had this way of making us feel his worry without uttering a word. I know my father was worried about me and I got that, hell I was worried about myself but nothing out of my mouth would be the right thing. Not only was I in my head about Argus, but also about North. I liked him too much and that wasn’t good.
“I didn't come over here for a silent breakfast.”
I chuckled. “Then what did you come over here for, old man?”
“To see when my daughter is gonna tell me what’s on her head. You know when you go radio silent it fucks with me.”
“I haven’t been radio silent.” Then I stopped what I was doing and turned around looking at him. Have I really?”
He nodded. “You’re my child. I know when you feel things deeper than you try to let on.”
“Then why haven’t you put my ass in a bubble? I hate feelings and most of the people I have them for.” I went back to cooking.
My father laughed. “Because life is about feelings. Pain is a part of life no matter how much we try to avoid it.”
“So, you say. Why, though? Etre?—”
“Without extreme lows we’d never know what highs feel like. Without pain you’d never know how it feels to be relieved. Life is full of lost moments, but without being lost a few times how will you ever know how it feels to be found.”
“Damn Dad, what side of the bed did you wake up on this morning?”
He laughed. “Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Everything, but I still had to ask.” I smiled as I walked over and handed him his plate. Usually, I was at his house, and he was cooking for me, but today was different.
“I’m damn sure not used to this. Usually, I slave over a stove while you stare into yo’ phone. You and your brother do that shit well.”
I chuckled. “Well today was my turn.”
“How is business?” He always asked that.
“Good. It has its slower moments, but everything is good.”
“I like to hear that. How are things with North?”
I chuckled because now he was on something else. “How do you know it is something with North?”
He looked up at me and gave me that knowing smirk before he took what felt like an eternity to speak.
“Because I know.”
I just looked at him. Not because I refused to say anything, but because I didn’t know what to say. I liked North. I couldn't say that aloud because we weren't anything else out of the moments that we shared. Low key I found myself a bit jealous of how Surah and Mari were, because unlike his brother he declared his feelings for her. So much conviction. I hate that the agreement between North and I is what prompted this desire, because I found my lips locked during the moments when Iwanted to ask him if we'd ever be more. At some point I saw it in his eyes that he wanted more but he didn't speak on it. I was a coward when it was time to acknowledge my feelings, and so was he. We were both cowards playing with one another's feelings like a fiddle. I had absolutely too many moments where I got lost in the thought of what this could have been versus what it seemed like this would always be. Don't get me wrong North and I weren't just physical if anything we were too passionate.We talked. We made love. We dated. We vibed. But we didn't talk about a future together.The deeper my feelings for him got the more I regretted agreeing to just vibe with him. I agreed to something that I obviously couldn't handle.
I spent a while with my father, before he had to get going. By the time he left my baby was awake and hungry. After feeding Ssiah, I got him ready for the day and planted him in front of the TV so I could tend to myself. I had a few errands to run today. I hadn't heard from North, but no matter how I felt about him I wasn't chasing a man. I just couldn't do it no matter how emotionally confused I felt about it.Couldn't be me.
I was true to my word, and I didn’t call him. I went on about my day and spent some much-needed time out with my baby. We went to a few stores and even picked up a few groceries before we came home. After I put the groceries away and got us settled in I made us dinner. It wasn’t long before my baby was out cold on the sofa and I was giving myself a pep-talk about all I needed to get done tonight. I planted myself in front of my laptop at my island with a glass of wine. I had some numbers that I needed to look over before I closed my eyes for the night. At least that’s what I thought until I woke up on my sofa to my phone ringing. It was North telling me to open the door. I started to curse him out because it was two in the morning, but the exhausted please that escaped his lips had me walking to the door within seconds. The moment I had it open, he hadmy body in his arms and his face buried in my neck. I shouldn’t have been so comfortable with him here like this, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t fight the fact that I liked being with him. I liked his presence because he made me feel like we could be alone together. That probably sounded crazy, but it was the best way I could describe us and our moments that we spent together. I was way too comfortable with a man who didn’t belong to me, but he felt like he did. For months, his presence was completely mind altering, but I knew that this between him and I was too good to be true. At every turn I tried to detach, but it wasn’t possible. We were on a road of our own that neither of us verbally acknowledged. I just hated to feel like things were fully out of my control, and that’s exactly where this was. None of the things between him and I were in my control which forced me out of my comfort. As a matter of fact, the fact that I knew I had feelings for this man but I didn’t speak to them enraged me. Like why couldn’t I just be out with it? I was out with everything else right? Then again it wasn’t just me.
I convinced myself in my sleep that I'd wake up and he'd be gone, but I was wrong. Instead, when I woke up I heard the blaring of the cartoons coming from my living room, and then the aroma of what I assumed was breakfast filled my nostrils. This was what I was talking about. I was getting too used to North doing things that made me feel like he was all about me, I should’ve known better, instead of lying her smiling at my ceiling. I had to catch myself, because just like myself he had as well been skating that conversation. If I didn’t catch myself, I’d be somewhere fucked up and heartbroken over this man whenthe other shoe dropped. No, I wasn’t being pessimistic at all, but I just knew I wasn’t the only one.
Instead of staying in my bed and allowing my thoughts to send me mad, I got up and went to the washroom to take care of my morning hygiene. Then I made my way to the kitchen area. The first thing I spotted was Ssiah sitting at the coffee table in front of the TV. In front of him was a small plate with cut up pancakes that he kept jabbing his fingers into. Then I turned around and North was seated at the island with two plates. He was eating from the one that was in front of him while the other sat untouched.
