A week and a half later I found myself balled up on my brother’s couch in a state of complete fucking despair. I had never felt anything like this, so naturally I was pissed off. This shit right here couldn’t be possible, but it was because here I was. How in the fuck had I allowed this female to bitch me like this, I mean literally I was in this motherfucker with the can’t eat can’t sleeps while I’m willing to bet she had shook this shit off. I wanted to reach out so fucking bad, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it. I wasn’t built for none of the emotions that I was going through, and it pissed me off to the fucking fullest. What made this shit even worse was that I wanted to be in her fucking space, and up under her.
“You on some shit. You know you can bring him with you. I’ll turn on cartoons and shit in the theater for him to watch.” My brother walked in the room with his phone glued to his face. He had the biggest smile on his face and that shit only made me madder. I didn’t want to see anybody happy right now because I was unhappy. I probably should’ve taken my ass home to be miserable, but here I was.
Then he laughed, before his smile grew wider. “Bet. You already know what I want.” Though he claimed that he andOmmy were just some casual shit I saw right through that. They spent too much time together and I had never seen my brother smile so much. When he hung up the phone, he glanced over at me and shook his head.
“How long are you going to sit here like she broke your fucking heart?”
“For as long as I need to get over whatever this is. You and Ommy made things official yet, or you still in denial?”
My brother laughed. “I’m not really trying to tie myself down right now.”
“Bullshit.” I called it because there was no way he could fool me when he had been nonstop seeing her and smiling like he had won the lottery.
He threw his hands up in confusion. “No, seriously I’m not in that kind of space even though I do enjoy her company.”
“Enjoy her company my ass. What if another nigga is enjoying that same company? How does that make you fe?—”
“Like it ain’t fucking happening. She knows what’s up. We are dating, but we ain’t like that.”
So, then shorty is free to do as she pleases? I mean I ain’t tryna plant no doubt, but she’s Surah’s blood. So, I doubt she’s sitting around waiting for you to decide to be like that with her. She ain’t Toy.”
He looked at me for a second without words, before he finally spoke. “Surah really fucked you up, huh?”
“Fucked me up, nah. I’ma be fine.”All lies.To say I was messed up was an understatement. I was feeling something that I couldn’t comprehend, and there was no way I could describe this in words. Instead of trying I spent a few more hours on my brother’s sofa, before I went about my day. I couldn't sit here and be in my feelings too long, nothing came before the money. If Iverson could play with the flu, then I could get through whatever the fuck was going on with me.
Instead of going home, I met Aura at the bowling alley. He was talking about a two man and I could lowkey use the time out of the crib. I needed the idle time to just be instead of sitting in the crib obsessing over a bitch who probably wasn’t even thinking about my ass. I was going to shake this shit off and be fine. I didn’t have time to be anything else but that.
“Yo, you all in your head over there. That bitch ain’t gonna butter herself.” Aura broke my thoughts.
“Yeah, she is. She keeps taking those fucking shots and your girl will be carrying her ass up outa here.” I knew what it was to shorty when she refused to take her red bottoms off to put on the bowling shoes. Bitch wasn’t here to bowl. She was here to get dicked down in the bathroom. I did just that, and now I was keeping my fucking space. She wasn’t my type even though I don’t remember even having one.
He laughed and turned around to face the bar.
“What? I’m just saying. That biscuit didn’t take that much buttering.”
“See this is why I don’t pull two mans with you and Kasey. Y’all ain’t got a lick of patience and you are on demon time already.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “What did you expect?”
“I really fuck with her friend, bro’. Handle that for me.” He looked at me with pleading eyes.
“Fine. I got your always gotta find love ass.”
He laughed. “Says the nigga whose out here claiming wives.”
I waved him off. “I only got one and I’m about ready to serve her absentee ass.” My jaw tightened just thinking about the fact that I hadn’t heard from her. I mean yeah, I haven’t hit her up, but what the fuck gave her the right to be just as fucked up as me?
“Well, you may as well do that shit now, because ain’t that her over there?” He used his head to motion toward the other lane.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pray it wasn’t her before I looked up, but that prayer got no higher than the fucking ceiling. Who did I think I was going to the man above after all this time? The moment I laid eyes on Surah, my jaw got even tighter. Not only was she still fucking beautiful, but she was here. She wasn’t ill or anything that I had convinced myself of because she hadn’t reached out to me. I scoped the scene for a moment before my eyes locked on her.
“What’s the real with you and her? You my boy and I ain’t in yo’ business but I know yeen snuck off and got married. What’s with that?”
I knew what he was asking. “Shit, I don’t know man. I feel like I met my match, and it doesn't feel good. Most bitches lay down and let a nigga do him, but not her. She ain’t built for competition. Shit she’s built just like me in this shit,” I said. Watching her converse with that nigga Raqu had me tight, but there wasn’t shit I could do about it. I didn’t want anything serious, and she seemed to not want anything to do with a nigga.
“Then why are you over here and not over there with her?”
I glanced over at him, before my eyes landed back on Surah. “Because I’ma let her rock.”
