“What am I supposed to tell our son?” I looked him in his eyes and the tears that I had been holding began to fall. The strongest bitches cried the realest tears.
“I saw him this morning at yo’ pop crib. You tell him the truth and don’t let that lil’ nigga follow in my footsteps no matter how hard he fights you on it. Knoxx knows what’s up, so he’s got you. Be looking out for that paperwork.”
“Run.”
“I thought of that, but you know I ain’t the type. I’m a hood booger baby mama. Now come drop me off.” He finished off the cup in front of him.
I thought Argus and I were finished for real when I walked away from him before I had Ssiah, but I was wrong. We were finished the moment I watched him surrender himself to the very institution that had not only taken the life of his grandfather, but also that of his father. Argus was in these streets alone way before we met, and way after. When I gave him an ultimatumback then I was attempting to interfere with the gathering cycle of the men in his family. I wasn’t strong enough. I know that now, but what hurt me the worse was that I was about to have to fight this same cycle in the coming years. My baby boy had the cycle in him because not only was his father’s side cursed with enslavement to the streets, but so was my own. I’d die before I ever allowed him to step into either of their footsteps.
When I left the precinct that I dropped Argus off at I went to my father’s house. It was just my luck that he was sitting on the front porch burning one. That was exactly what I needed at this moment.
Feeling my phone vibrate in my hand I looked down to see who was calling. It was North.Shit. I didn’t even have time for his shit, so I just tossed my phone into my purse and got out of the car. My father must’ve already known, because he was already holding the blunt out for me to grab when I climbed the first step.
“You dropped him off?” His first question let me know that he knew.
Seconds later the front screen door opened, and my brother was stepping out of it. I guess this was like old times. Shit, we sat on this porch and smoked a blunt for every occasion that I could remember. No matter if it was a good or bad one, all three of us sat right here and burned one. Shit, I remember when I first thought I was pregnant. Before I took the test I sat right here and lit up. I don’t know if my father smelled it from the living room or what, but soon after he was sitting next to me. Then about fifteen minutes after that, Knoxx pulled up. Of course, when I told them the occasion my pops snatched the blunt. In that moment just like this one I just needed to breathe and calm the fuck down.
I nodded my head pulling from the blunt a few times before handing it to Knoxx. “How long did you know?”
“I didn’t. He kept That shit on the low. Why do you think he kept taking flights out? I didn’t know until this morning.” My brother looked at me seriously as he exhaled.
I nodded my head.
“You know Ssiah is good forever.” Knoxx always said that.
“Until he makes the same decision. These streets are nothing more than a black hole. Nobody sees that. Not until it’s too late. Argus told me I was right today, but I didn’t want to hear it like that. I didn’t want to see it like that either.” I hated to feel like I was preaching, but somebody had to say it.
Standing to my feet I climbed the rest of the stairs and went to find my baby. Cuddling up next to him always made me feel better and it always cleared my mind.
“If it makes you feel better, I only play with the trains these days and even that doesn’t have my name tied to it.”
I turned around and looked at my brother before a forced smile crossed my face. “It does.” I knew that he could and would never be fully out of the game that he took enjoyment in. What he said also didn’t stop my worry, but to make him feel better I told him that.
Mentally I was warped, and nothing could or would ease that. I was used to being pissed with Argus and his decisions, but right now I wasn’t pissed with him at all. I was hurting for a man that I’ve loved since my eyes landed on him. This was all so fucked up.
Chapter Three
“Men never stepped up and women always over romanticized situations in their heads.”
-Ommy
Luna
Weeks Later
Iwatched the door open and a good friend of mine walked through it. I hadn’t seen her in almost a week which naturally made me want to know what was on her mind and why the hell she was puffy around the eyes. That only happened when my girl had either been crying or having an allergic reaction to the pollen in the air.
“I’ma need at least four shots of espresso, Luna.” She gave me that hopeless look before she pulled a stool up to my coffee bar. She and I had met about three years ago when she first came in with this same look. Last time it was about her child’s father choosing the streets over her and their child. This time I couldonly imagine what it was about, but I hated when her usually vibrant spirit was dull.
“Do I even want to know?”
“Girl, I don’t even want to know about it, but I do. Argus turned himself in last week.”
My jaw literally dropped. “What do they have on him?” I asked that part low.
“Enough to bury him and leave my son without a father.” She looked so sad, and I lowkey got it because this was literally her biggest fear. That’s why even now she didn’t talk to street dudes when they hit on her. She said she didn’t have the heart for everything that came behind it, and I swear I got that. I made her coffee and we promised to meet up for dinner either tonight or tomorrow depending on the crowds today. Nine times out of ten it would be tomorrow, because my feet were killing me and there was nothing I wanted more than to crawl up in my bed and close my eyes for the night. In actuality I should’ve been in my bed right now, but I didn’t have an opener, so I ended up here.
I walked around the semi empty place with a grin on my face. I was proud of how far I had come. My place was small, but it was mine. Where I came from people like me didn’t make it out alive. Shit, I still had a couple people who wanted my head, but they had to catch me lacking first. I wasn’t running from a soul, but I was protecting my child from a family that meant her no good. It wasn’t her father’s family; it was my own. I left Detroit to escape the tradition that my father was trying to force on me. Instead of using my full name when I came here, I shortened it, and everything has been fine ever since, or so I believe. I still get the eerie feeling that someone is watching me. That made me switch up my routine a bit and stay on my toes at all times. It was necessary when you didn’t want people to know where you were. My daughter was safe though, she had a wonderful nanny who handled anything that I couldn’t and she knew thatnobody other than Omyia was allowed in my home or around my child. Right now, life was good, and I hoped it stayed that way. I couldn’t handle the complications that I knew would follow my family or their bullshit. I left a life behind to purposely start a new one.
