I waved her off and turned to walk back toward my room. “Probably but do me a favor and leave my key on the counter when you leave.”
“Why won’t you fight for us? Why won’t you fight for me?”
“Because if I gotta fight for you then you were never mine in the first place. If you felt like I ever had to prove any of how I felt about you then none of this was real.”
“But it was real. I just got in my head and thought that we wer?—”
“You keep trying to have this conversation with me like it’ll change my mind or make me want you in that way. It ain’t gonna work, baby girl. This between us is over and I’ma need you to get that through your skull.”
With that I went back to my room and started to get ready for my day. I didn’t really have time to go back and forth with Rae when she messed this up, not me. Everything between us wasover because she thought she could find better outside of me, and I dared her to do that. It was what it was if you asked me.
By the time I was finished getting ready for my day, my kitchen was empty and there wasn’t a single thing left in the kitchen to remind me that she had even trespassed into my space. She was so fucking petty that she didn’t even leave a nigga a plate in the fridge. She dead ass cooked and left with all of it, but I wasn’t mad as long as she left me the fuck alone. I grabbed my phone within seconds of it beginning to ring. Answering it I smashed it against my face.
“Yeah.”
“Yeah what? Why do you sound like that?” Ommy asked.
“Shit, my bad. I’m thrown off. I woke up to Rae in my space again.” I grabbed my shit, and I was leaving out of the crib.
Her laughter followed my statement. “What was she doing? I told you to change your freaking locks.”
“Cooking and I should’ve. I’ll handle that later. Right now, I’m tryna see what’s up with you?”
“Nothing, I just haven’t heard from you. I wanted to che?—”
“What nigga you meet at the bar with Surah’s ho ass?” Though shorty was my blood I had to call it how I saw it. She never stuck with one nigga too long and even when she seemed like she was about to settle down a nigga only had one time to fuck up. I wasn’t judging her at all because I’m a ho too. The thing is I had busted plenty niggas in their shit for talking greasy about her.
“Nobody you need to be questioning me about. Do you still have somebody following me?” she asked. I just knew she was about to blow her shit.
“No, but you are my sister. If a motherfucker sees you out, they’re going to let me know.”
She sucked her teeth. “Whatever Knoxx, I’ll call you later.” She hung the phone up before I could even respond. She hatedto feel like somebody was keeping tabs on her, and I lowkey got that, but I rather keep tabs on her than her being out here unsafe. I hated when she caught those little dumb ass attitudes, especially when I knew she’d be right back on my line in two hours. Growing up it was literally just me, my pops, and my sister most of the time so one could say we were close knit. Shit, we were as close as close could get, because besides the relatives on the other side of the city we were all we had.
I pulled up to my pop’s second place and just sat there for a while. I watched him walk Ssiah around with his favorite girl. For as long as I could remember my pops had this obsession with horses and ranch life. Naturally, he handed that shit down to us, but neither me nor Ommy loved them the way he did. Though he had a place out in the city he spent most of his time out here, and lowkey I got it. Out here he had peace and his animals, while the city afforded noise and bullshit. I definitely got it but I couldn’t leave the city if you paid me to. The city life and all that other mess is what fuels me.
“What are you doing out here? I for sure thought you’d wait until I came back to the city to see yo’ old man.” My father had allowed Ssiah’s ranch nanny to take over and he walked up to me. When they were out here Pops always had somebody on hand to care for and keep up with Messiah. My sister got that paranoid shit from somewhere.
I chuckled. “What is a thirty-minute difference? I needed to spit with you about a few things.”
“About what? Argus going in?” he asked, already knowing what I was about to say.
I nodded. “How did you know?”
“He came here earlier to formally say bye to baby boy. You got some stake in this or are you untouched?”
“I ain’t got shit in that, Pops. Those folks got who they came after and he gave them what they were looking for. I told him he had gotten too comfortable and was moving too fu?—”
“She ain’t gonna take this good. Shit, she might not take it at all.”
“I know.” I loved my sister to life, and I wished that I could feel her pain for her, but this was something I couldn’t feel for her. This was something that no matter how bad I wanted to shield her from it I couldn’t. Her and Argus weren’t like that, but she still loved him, and he was her child’s father. They shared some deep connections and the fact that he was about to go away was going to fuck her up. It would fuck her up because she already has a vendetta against the streets.
“And we can’t be the ones to tell her.”
I shook my head because this situation was fucked up no matter how you put it. She never wanted Messiah to grow up without a father regardless of if he had us or not. The way I heard they were about to throw the book at Argus and put him under the jail for his crimes. What these pigs failed to understand was that niggas like Argus and myself were only products of our environments. We only did what we saw in order to survive a world that was already pit against our black asses. I never said we made the best choices, or always did what was right, from the moment a man of color is born there is a target on his back. Not only that, but the idea that we can be careless in a world that is taught to hate us is crazy. We got to survive and in turn protect our women and young. We ain’t perfect, but a little bit of understanding would go a long way.
When I left my father’s house, I pulled up on the block to check in with my boy Kasey. We’d grown up a lil’ ways from this space together and ran these streets with a vengeance. Theonly difference between he and I was that I was moving toward hitting freight while he liked this hood shit. I didn’t frown down on it, but my nigga loved to get him a drink and post up with the bitches. That was a typical weekend. That was way too much risk for me, though. I didn’t hang out in spots where grimy niggas could pull up and spray shit. He had to change all that shit up now, considering the fact that Argus going away forced him to step up and get serious. I was no longer in the streets like that, but I still knew the flow of things.
“Damn, nigga you’re pulling up on me like I owe you a few bands or something.” He leaned against the front of his Benz as I walked up.
