Surah
The last time I asked God to send me a sign for something, I got shot. Safe to say that was the last time I asked for a sign, but that didn’t mean it was the last time a sign would be sent. The fact that I fell madly in love with the male version of myself and I still haven’t gotten up was one sign. I liked that sign, shit maybe even loved it. I always believed that nothing was perfect and that no man walking this earth was even close. Namari was proof of the flaw in that notion. Mari was proof that a person could be made specifically for you, actual proof that soulmates exist. By sending me Namari God gave me a faith in love that I never had before,and he challenged me to exist outside of the life I planned for myself. Of course, there would always be some obstacles along the way and everything would be good. Now on to this next sign God has graced us with.
Last night I took a pregnancy test because my cycle had gone missing on me two months ago. I didn’t want to get Namari’s hopes up because last time I think we were both bummed that I wasn’t. I was most of all because I got used to the thought in such a short amount of time and then for it to be snatched away in the blink of an eye kind of hurt. This time I made sure not to get my hopes up, but to book a doctor's appointment this morning while he was out doing whatever he did when we weren’t together. That usually consisted of work, Kasey and or more work. He told me he was working on something big, and I believed him. Ever since the night he told me he handled everything he had been in a different head space and more focused. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but I had a feeling he was about to wow me.
“Yes, Surah, you are indeed pregnant.” Dr.Obrey smiled. “Wait this is good news, right?”
I nodded my head with tears trapped in the corners of my eyes.Great news.
“Good. Now lay back for me so we can see how far along you are.” She pulled the machine over to where I was seated on the table and waited for me to lay back.
I didn’t even get the time to act shocked, because right after I got the confirmation I was on my back. Funny because I’m pretty sure that’s how I got this way.
The doctor estimated that I was going into my third month of pregnancy, gave me the name of a few good prenatal vitamins, set up my next appointments then sent me on my way. Everything happened so fast and before I knew it, I was inTargetoverwhelmed looking at all of the different vitamin types. After the initial shock wore off, the panic set in. What thehell were Namari and I going to do with a child? A child that would be born and could potentially have both of our fucked up personalities. Before I knew it, I was pulling out my phone and dialing him up. I didn’t have any of those cute reveals planned, so as soon as he picked up the phone, started babbling.
“Baby girl, I’m bus?—”
“We fucked up because I’m trying to buy vitamins and there are just too many. There are so many things that could go wrong because what if I don’t get the right ones? What if life sways us in a different direction and w?—”
“Yo, calm down. Take a breath,” he interrupted my spill. “Now what’s up?”
“I just told you we fucked up. I’m pregnant, Namari.”
“You for real? I’ma be a father?” I could hear the excitement in his voice.
“Yes, I just went to the doctor. What are we going to do?” I could hear him in the background celebrating like we hadn’t just created a whole life. A life that would be depending on us to get it together.
“We’re going to be the best, fucked up parent a kid could ever have. This is me and you, baby. Now get your ass out of those people’s store panicking and meet me at home. I’m on my way there right fucking now.”
“Okay.” Now I was pouting.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” It was something about hisI love youthat forced the self-initiated panicking to cease. He wasn’t panicking, so why did I have faith in us, and this was just another sign that we were meant.Namari was Mine… and I was forever his.
North
My daughter Nori Rosea Payne was born on the virgin islands in a small hut the size of our master bedroom at home. I told Ommy that we should’ve waited to take this trip, but she was bullheaded. Everything happened so fucking fast, shit before I knew it I was on the phone with her doctor and the lady was walking me through the whole fucking thing. I delivered my baby girl, and that was probably the scariest shit I’ve ever done. I’ve never feared shit in my life but watching my daughter’s big ass head pop out of Ommy like that had me about ready to pass out. After that moment it was like everything fell into place.
Regardless of the technicalities the moment I laid eyes on my baby I was through. Everything made complete sense. Seeing the strength that Ommy displayed while bringing her into the world was enough to have me eating out of the palm of her hands for the rest of our lives. No medication, no doctors, no nothing. It was just her and me under the fullest moon I had ever seen. Let Ommy tell it Nori was moon kissed now whatever that meant. All I knew was that my child was perfect just like her mother. As a matter of fact, my whole lil’ family was fucking perfect, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The ringing of my phone interrupted my gaze into the distance. Without looking away I fetched my phone from my pocket. For less than a second I paid attention to the contact on the screen. It was my brother, so I answered without hesitation.
“Yeah.”
“Yo, ain’t you on vacation? Shouldn’t you be screening all your calls?” he asked.
“I mean I should be, but I’m not and if you thought that much you wouldn’t have called. What’s up?” I could tell something was on his mind by the tone of his voice.
“I think it’s time for me to get out. To finally open up that carwash I've been bitching to you about.”
I laughed. “Titty City? Nigga get off my phone talking crazy.” He had been talking about this damn car wash since he was sixteen and I asked him his plans after he left the game. That was sixteen-year-old Namari, and this was twenty-seven-year-old Namari still with the same ass dream.
“I'm serious, North. Same concept, but maybe a little more mature.”
I nodded as if he could see me. “What made you come to this decision?”
“She’s pregnant. I’ma be a father in about seven months and the only thing I could think about was being here. I can’t overstay my welcome in this shit. Niggas are dropping like flies, and I’ll be damned if I’m one of them.”
