“Nothing. I just think... I think there might be something wrong with me.”
“There’s plenty wrong with you,” said Mason with a smirk.
“Do you really want to pull at that thread? How’s Zeb?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Put your dicks away, and get things back on track,” said Ethan.
“My dick’s bigger,” said Ryder, unable to help himself.
“Christ, it’s like having two children, and you’re both nearly forty. Focus, Ryder. What’s wrong with you? Are you talking about a health thing?”
“I dunno. I pulled this couple the other night, and I couldn’t get it up. Now I can’t get even get hard with porn. I haven’t cum in four days.”
“How often do you usually cum?” asked Ethan, twiddling his glasses awkwardly.
“Every day,” replied Ryder without hesitating.
“How do you find the time?” asked Mason.
“I don’t fuck every day, but I have to get off at night or I can’t sleep.”
“Did you sleep last night?” asked Ethan.
“I took a pill. Look, should I be worried about this? I mean, this hot guy was banging his wife, and she was sucking my limp dick with her tits bouncing in front of me, but nothing.”
“You can spare us the imagery,” said Mason. “Some of us haven’t been near a woman’s bits since we came out of them.”
Ryder snorted at that. Even Ethan smiled.
“It couldn’t hurt to speak to your doctor,” said Ethan. “It’s probably just stress, but best to rule anything else out.”
“Like what?”
“It could be your prostate.”
“I’m too young for that, aren’t I?”
“Always best to be safe. It’s probably stress, but see your doctor.”
Ryder wasn’t sure what to think. How could it be stress? He wasn’t stressed about anything. Sure, he’d been pissed about his friends ditching their holiday tradition to spend time with their men—it was something friends always did when they were no longer single—but Ryder had hoped someof their traditions would remain. That might have explained Friday night, because he was angry, but the fact that he couldn’t even jerk off was unheard of.
The thought of going to the doctor to talk about his prostate filled him with dread. It wasn’t the examination or anything like that. It was what came after. His dad had died of cancer in his forties, and seeing a man he’d idolized all his life wither away over months had been unbearable. His mother still wasn’t over it, and she’d been a widow for fifteen years. Ryder, along with his sisters, supported her financially. She’d worked her ass off for them as kids, and she’d enjoy her retirement if he had anything to do with it. His father’s life insurance policy had paid off the mortgage, so she had that security, but neither Ryder nor his sisters wanted her to struggle in her retirement. Now the same thing that had happened to his dad was going to happen to him. Although... that had been stomach cancer rather than prostate, but it meant Ryder had the cancer gene in him. He’d read about it, and there was a higher probability of him getting it because one of his parents had. He was catastrophizing, and he knew that, but that was what he did as a way of processing his conflicting thoughts.
“I don’t want the others to know about this. Not until it’s a thing, and not until after their holiday.”
He might be pissed with them, but he would not ruin their cruise over something that might be nothing, despite what he’d felt the other night. If they knew he was going to see his doctor, they’d want to stick around. Ryder had Ethan and Mason, and they were all the support he needed... for now.
CHAPTER 2
FELIX
Felix jerked awake at the sound of his alarm blaring, and scrambled to grab his phone so he could turn the infernal racket off. Blindly grabbing at his bedside table wasn’t working, so he had to open his eyes. That was when he realized his phone was on the other side of the room. He stumbled out of bed, feeling about ninety years old and not the twenty-seven years he was. Feeling a sense of accomplishment when he had the device in his hands, he silenced the demon and sat on the edge of his bed, letting his heart rate calm down.
He was wide awake now, which had been the point. Felix was not a morning person, and he’d needed to be up early today, so he’d left his phone on the other side of the bedroom, knowing he’d struggle to get back to sleep after having to get out of bed to turn his alarm off. It was a foolproof plan that always worked. Felix shivered, realizing how cold it was. The temperature had already plummeted with December just around the corner, but he’d agreed with his roommate, Laura, that they weren’t turning the heating on until after Christmas if they could avoid it. The last thing either of them needed was a massive bill right before the holidays. Not that Felix had a family to buy presents for. They’d turned their backs onhim seven years ago, and he would never give them the satisfaction of knowing how much they’d hurt him.
Felix and Laura had been inseparable since college, both of them trauma bonding over their respective homophobic families. They’d both moved to New York together, and Laura’s journalism career was going from strength to strength, while Felix’s photography made just enough to scrape by. There were two sides to his business. The first being his portraiture shots, which he showcased on social media—that was his genuine passion. The second paid the bills. If it wasn’t for the plethora of weddings and christenings he had to cover, he wasn’t sure how he’d survive.
