“Is that what you think? That I didn’t love you?” she asks, letting the door close and sitting down in front of me so I have to meet her sad gaze.
“You let him beat me. For no reason at all. What made you think that was okay? That’s not love,” I growl. “And the reason I know that is because I tasted pure love for the first time, and I know exactly what it is. It’s why I’m here. Why I came to show you that I’m a person worthy of being loved. I am a hero, butnot for the obvious reasons. You know why? Because I survived you.”
She covers her mouth with a weathered hand as her eyes crinkle in pain. “Son,” she sobs.
I continue on. “I survived you, and I soldiered on. I got a little mixed up, and sometimes I did horrible things to people because I had to learn how to treat people I care about the hard way. No one ever cared about me. How the fuck was I supposed to know how to have a relationship? My sole role models for a family unit were completely neglectful and abusive. I succeeded in my career, and everything else around me crumbled. Then I met her. It was a revelation. A goddamn stroke of luck.” I think of Magnolia, and my chest aches. “I fucked it up, because what choice did I have? A man like me doesn’t deserve that kind of love, right? Fuck me.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. If that woman loves you like you love her, then choices aren’t a factor. There is no choice to be made. Love forgives, Aidan. Weak men blame their pasts for their mistakes. Nobody is perfect.”
I sigh a haggard breath. “I’m not blaming you. I just want to know why you never tried to save me.”
“You didn’t need saving. You were a strong boy.”
I bark a laugh. “I was a child.”
“I was wrong,” she says, taking my hand in hers. I can’t find it in me to pull away. “Your father and I were both wrong. I’m so sorry you endured a less-than-ideal childhood. I loved you. I love you still. When you have a child, you’ll understand what that kind of love feels like. The balance is hard. Forming an adult while loving a child. I wasn’t tender enough. You deserved more from me, and I failed you.” She sucks in a breath that seems strong enough to rattle her rib cage. “He beat me too. Your father beat me too. That was my normal. Our normal.”
I stay quiet. I never expected this conversation. An apology. My whole adult life was formed because of miscommunication, or rather, the thought that I was strong so I didn’t need culpable love in physical form. Their way of loving me was their own. Can I respect that while disagreeing completely? Her hand squeezes my own, a reminder that he’s gone and she’s here. A mother hoping to reconnect with a son. I’d give anything for another chance with Magnolia. To be in her proximity. To feel her lips against mine. If her love would be mine again, I’d be able to face this. Alone? I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I run a hand through my hair. “I’ll leave you my phone number. I’m living in Florida now. A small town called Bronze Bay. I’m heading back there in a few days after I finish up some testing here.” I stand, helping her up as I go, grabbing her other hand. I see the frailty then, the way she wobbles without me as leverage. “You live here by yourself?”
“A nurse comes to check in once a week, but I’m used to it. Since your father died, I’ve found peace in being alone. No one to worry about except myself.” She rubs her neck as she speaks, the loneliness creeping into her tone. “I don’t want to talk about myself. Tell me about you. Tell me everything. If this is my one chance to see you, I’m taking it. Give me everything you can. All the good and the bad.” She holds open the screen door, and her arm shakes a bit.
Something cracks, a weakness in my armor. This isn’t what I planned on, but I know without a doubt it’s what Magnolia hoped would happen. I swallow hard and sigh, reaching out to hold the door for her, I say, “Okay, Mom.”
She turns back, beaming. I return the smile. I can’t mete out forgiveness to my father, but perhaps my mother is deserving.
I deleted the dating apps off my phone the night after I returned from San Diego and tried to talk to Magnolia at her shop. She ordered me out without even considering my truth. It’s what I expected. What I didn’t expect was to feel so downtrodden because of it. No one tells you how awful a breakup is. What confuses me is how quickly the person you love the most in the world turns into a complete stranger in a short amount of time. I see her from a distance when she’s closing the store, and it’s as if I’m watching a person I don’t know. The Magnolia Sager that came after we ended. Another human.
Leo has been making my life a living hell since the breakup, taunting some pseudo relationship-slash-friendship with Kendall over my head. Others swear to me he hasn’t touched her, but my anger refuses to accept that. She’s a kid. And she’s mine. I’ve broken his nose once, given him two black eyes, and threatened to end his life if they didn’t ship his ass to Cape Cod as soon as humanly possible. His orders are in, and he’s leaving next month, so I’ve backed off, but I still keep tabs on the fucker for Magnolia’s sake. I’m responsible for Leo being in their world to begin with. I recall the conversation on the beach when I told him that Magnolia was off-limits. Why would I think to add Kendall into that spoken order? Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would move in this sneaky, desperate way. He hasn’t done anything illegal, so no actions can be taken. Being friends with a teenager isn’t a crime, especially when you are a teenager yourself. It’s hard when two years difference is close to nothing once you’re in an adult relationship. I don’twant to accept that intellect now. Not when it affects me and those I love.
I brush my sweaty hair off my face and mop it with my T-shirt. The gym is empty, and I’m thankful I don’t need to make small talk with anyone. Tonight we have a mandatory fundraiser for the local school district. We have to be there, and I’d rather be anywhere else besides in a room with Leo, but I was told there isn’t an option. Sighing, I hit the showers and put on my dress uniform. I fix my hair, leave the office, and put my cover on. It’s a short walk to Town Hall, and it’s already buzzing with people. I see my brothers right away and make sure Leo isn’t in sight before approaching the group.
Mercer slaps my shoulder. “Got that extra workout in, bro?”
I nod. “Three times today.” I’m not fucking, so I need the adrenaline release and endorphins working out gives me. Bonus points because it clears my mind, and it’s the only time, all day, that happens.
He cups my arm. “Your muscles are even more perfect than they were before. I want to hump them.”
I push him away, shaking my head. “Is the fucker here?”
“Oh, he’s here, but he’s staying out of the way. He knows he’s not welcome in the crew. It’s so fucked up what he did to you, man. We all agree.” Mercer shoves a beer into my hand. “Oh, there was someone looking for you, though.” His pink cheeks tell me he’s been drinking for quite a while already, and his grin is mischievous.
My heart skips. “Magnolia is here?” My voice changes when I say her name, and he catches it.
“No, no, man. Sorry. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up.”
The elation quickly turns to dread as I sip the beer. I need to stop that. Getting all bent dicked over Magnolia when she clearly wants nothing to do with me. “Polly was looking for you. Heardyou were single again,” Mercer explains, glancing away so he doesn’t have to witness my pain.
“Wonder who she heard that from,” I deadpan, scanning the crowd for my nemesis. “That kid is trying to fuck me over constantly. I never did anything to piss him off.”
Mercer clears his throat. “He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t need a reason.”
I brush a piece of lint off my jacket. “Where is Polly?”
Mercer’s drunk smile appears again. “Atta boy. Get back in the saddle. She was in the foyer looking for her table number when I last saw her. She’s wearing some weird flowery dress or some shit. It’s short.”
I clap him on the back and excuse myself. I take off my cover when I enter the building and look at the main desk where table numbers are being issued. Polly isn’t there, but Magnolia and Jenny are walking away, toward the bar. I trip over my own feet and have to steady myself on the doorframe. She’s so beautiful—the low lights falling on her bare shoulders like an invitation. I’d give anything to kiss them again. She saunters with confidence as she talks to the bartender. My brothers filter in and move toward two tables in the center of the dining room.
