Moira jerked upright and turned her dark eyes to me. “Is Rowan a bear?” she hissed.
“You can’t tell anyone,” I whispered.
“Oh my gods. That’s why he is so damn friendly all the time!”
Simone snorted. “Bears are often mistaken as solitary creatures when nothing could be further from the truth. They’re highly social, but they like to choose who they’re social with. But,” she continued, her eyes sparkling with amusement, “they are clever when it comes to choosing their mates and once they’ve chosen, they do not falter from the course until they have no other choice. Bears are also highly territorial and follow their chosen mate to protect them from others.”
“Is that why Rowan always seemed to be there when Evie needed him?” Moira asked, sliding a curious look Rowan’s way.
Simone shrugged. “Rowan has always been a curious creature. He’s driven as much by the man as he is by the bear, but he’s secretive as well. There is more to him than meets the eye. Just like all the other Lords, but I’ve always suspected Rowan hides how powerful he is under the guise of charm and peaceful intentions.”
“Why didn’t you ever go for him?” Moira asked.
Jealousy roared within me, surprising me with its intensity. Simone’s eyes widened when she sensed it, even as a slow grin pulled her lips up. “Rowan is attractive, sure, but he’s not my type. I’m also an Omega. Leaving my Pack is extraordinarily difficult.”
“But you did it for Evie,” Moira pointed out.
Simone inclined her head. “True, but I lost faith in Caelan. My power draws me to those who most need it. An Omega is born to serve, but Caelan refused my power more often than not.”
“What exactly is your power?” I asked. Simone had always wielded most of her power with a clipboard and a tablet. I’d never seen her expend any true magic since I’d known her.
She held out her hands. “It’s easier to show you if you’ll allow me.”
Moira and I shrugged and placed our hands in hers.
Nothing happened for a few seconds. Simone closed her eyes and told us to do the same.
“Think of something that hurt you. An emotional wound is best.”
“Will you be able to see what the wound is?” Moira asked.
Simone and I both cracked an eye open at the question. “No,” Simone said, a frown on her mouth. “I’ll only be able to sense your distress.”
“Alright then.” Moira exhaled.
We closed our eyes once more, and I thought about Caelan. Many emotional wounds marked my life, but his betrayal was the freshest. Every time my memory went back to that day in the square, pain squeezed my heart in an iron grip. I awoke most nights in a damp sweat, tears in my eyes. The last thing anyone wanted to think about themselves was how flawed they were, but Caelan had managed to take the things about myself I hated the most and bring them to the forefront, to twist the knife in so deep I couldn’t free myself.
That pain roared to the front of my mind, bringing fresh tears and hurt to the surface, but a moment later a gentle rain of sky-blue magic washed over me, and suddenly, the pain wasn’t as fresh. Things didn’t hurt as much. I could see past those wounds to the fragile person underneath, the woman who only wanted to be loved.
Sometimes when we were trapped by pain and hurt, we couldn’t see the reason why. All we felt was the pain. But with Simone’s magic washing that agony away, I could see myself again, first as a child flinching from my mother’s sharp words, then the sting of being abandoned, and later as a married woman trying to wash away the images of my husband with another woman. Scotland came and went, and even that night in the heather field wasn’t as painful as normal, flashing forward to meeting Caelan and my loneliness, and how he’d washed thataway and brought with him a mix of fear and trepidation and love all mixed up in a tangled knot.
I wanted to be loved so badly, I’d forgotten that love didn’t always mean pain. I’d somehow managed to convince myself that loving someone meant constantly questioning yourself, your motives, and someone else’s motives. My magic and background also factored in, and when my origins were revealed, I wondered whether Caelan had always wanted me for me or if he’d always suspected something was off about me.
But now I could look at that without the sharp pain accompanying the thoughts.
And my answer was yes, he’d known. Had it mattered to him was another question I couldn’t answer yet. Like most of the Lords, he craved power, and I could give him more than he’d ever known, but when I was able to see things a little more clearly, away from that haze of my broken heart, I knew the things I could give him weren’t the only reasons he was with me.
Caelan had loved me, maybe still did, in his own way. Doubts were normal, but some doubts could not be overcome, no matter the pretty words you used to cover them up. He worried about his future line, and whether the children we made together would be something monstrous or something that might conquer the heavens.
No matter how powerful Caelan was or might become, the thought of a child more powerful than him or one who might not look or act the way he expected terrified him.
As Simone’s magic washed through me, tears fell from my eyes, long suppressed anger and grief giving way to realization and healing. Things with him were unresolved, but they wouldn’t stay that way forever. When her magic trickled to a halt, I knew what I had to do.
Moira’s face was wet with tears, her slender body trembling. I scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. When her eyes opened, she focused on Simone.
“Caelan is an idiot for letting you go. Your power is—” Her throat worked. “You’re a healer, Simone. I hope you know that.”
Simone’s lower lip wobbled. “Any time you want to see me, Moira, just give me a call or come by.” She let out a heavy sigh. “It might be a while before we figure out where we’re going next, but you’ll know the moment I do.”
