‘Me too,’ he smiles back, and I feel relieved and emboldened some more.
‘That was the loveliest time I think I’ve ever had. I won’t forget this afternoon, ever.’
‘It wasn’t just about the sex, y’know, English. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. I hope you don’t think I pounce on all my employees.’ He steers the boat round the bay.
I shake my head.
‘I didn’t plan to fall for you.’ He looks from me out to sea again. ‘It just happened. It was hard to resist. You’re very beautiful, funny, and bloody gutsy. I justcouldn’t help myself.’
I’m not blushing, I feel like I’m blossoming. The empty feeling has gone. I feel happy. I want to make plans.
‘And you are a dreadful patient, infuriating and unbelievably fanciable,’ I shake my hair out in the wind. Who is this woman and where is the old Fi? I feel almost serene, but there’s a nag at the back of my mind. I have to face facts. No matter how much I enjoyed my afternoon of lovemaking with Sean, he is in ‘an arrangement’ and this can’t happen again. Oh, and of course Margaret must never find out about this either. It would break her heart and our friendship. But I’ve kept enough things locked away inside during my growing up and throughout my time with Brian; this can go in there with them and I’ll just bring out the memory when I want to enjoy it. However, I wouldn’t say no to a repeat performance, here and now, just to go in the memory box, and I wonder if he’s feeling the same.
Sean couldn’t deny the happiness he was feeling. It was like a new beginning, a fresh start. The heron was keeping pace with the boat and right now Sean felt he was flying with him, free from the thoughts that had kept him prisoner: the guilt about the crash; not being able to make it right. But now, he felt anything was possible. He had to speak to Nancy and explain. They were both adults. Theirs had been a relationship of convenience. Now he’d found love and he had to take a chance on it. But he mustn’t let this happen again until he had finished with Nancy. It wasn’t fair on either of them. He turned the boat round the headland and headed for shore.
There, in the distance on the driveway, was the black BMW. He had from here to there to work out what to say.
Chapter Thirty-nine
My happy bubble is burst. In its place, guilt is pouring in. But I remind myself that I’m not the only one with a secret around here now. And more than ever I need to tell Sean about Nancy’s betrayal.
‘Well, well. Out on the boat? I thought you didn’t “do” water.’ Nancy is tapping an envelope with her bright red acrylic nails as I walk up the bank towards the cottage.
‘There are a lot of things I didn’t used to “do”,’ I say, and I just don’t recognise my own confident voice. I keep walking, my fingers holding the little pearl necklace round my neck. I leave her standing on the shore, partly because I feel so guilty and partly because I don’t want to see them together. I go into the cottage, and although it’s still quite warm outside, I put turf on the fire. I hear Nancy and Sean approaching. They appear to be having words. I tense up and decide to head straight for the shower. I don’t want this lovely feeling that’s still glowing away inside me to leave just yet.
‘Ah, Fi,’ Nancy catches me on the way to the bathroom. I don’t want a confrontation but if it comes to it, I’ll say here and now what I heard her saying on the phone; how she’s cutting Sean out of the oyster deal.
‘This came for you while you were having your … sailing lesson.’ She smiles tightly and holds out a cream envelope.
That puts me on the back foot. I frown. I haven’t received any post in nearly three months. No one knows I’m here.
‘Well, I’m guessing it’s for you.’ She’s still holding it out to me and I have no option but to take it from her, like the poisoned chalice or maybe even the black spot. I look down. I recognise the handwriting straightaway, and the humiliation and shame I felt when I first arrived here comes flooding back.
‘It says “For Fiona Goodchild”,’ Sean’s looking over my shoulder and I can feel his breath on my neck and want to melt into the same pool of passion I’ve just stepped out of. ‘“Dooleybridge Oyster Festival”,’ he reads aloud. ‘Looks important.’ Sean puts his arm around me to take the letter. I turn to look at him and he returns my look. It seems we’re there for just a second or two longer than we should be and I find it hard to tear myself away, him with his arm around me and his hand on the letter, his breath on my neck. But I must and I do, furious with myself as I feel my cheeks starting to flush, giving me away.
Nancy tilts her head slightly and narrows her eyes. I know she’s seen something in that look and she knows I know that.
‘By the way, Fi,’ she finally says. My stomach tightens. ‘Dan was asking after you in the pub today. Says he hasn’t seen you for a while. I said you’d be at the Pearl Queen selection party,’ she smiles sweetly, too sweetly.
‘Well, I’ll be there helping out,’ I bluster.
‘I think he was hoping for a date. You haven’t been stringing him along, have you?’ Nancy says mischievously, and tuts. ‘No one likes a tease,’ and she snakes her arm around Sean’s shoulders.
My throat goes dry. ‘No.’ This is too uncomfortable for words. ‘It’ll be lovely, I’m sure,’ I find myself saying, as if it’s going to throw her off the scent.
‘Good,’ she claps her hands together, ‘I love matchmaking.’ Her eyes sparkle, but not with pixie dust, more like poison. She’s marking my card. Sean pulls away from Nancy, suddenly looking thunderous. Nancy lookslike a cat whose mouse has got away and is determined to get it back. Sean’s obviously regretting what just happened. Maybe it was nothing more than a moment of madness, a wonderful moment of madness.
‘I’ll take that. I’ll sort it out.’ I take the envelope from Sean and shove it in my back pocket. Sean tuts and goes to put on his boots by the door.
‘Someone you know?’ Nancy is keeping her eyes on me.
‘Someone I used to know, more like,’ I say quietly. Nancy looks in Sean’s direction. He opens the door and Grace rushes out.
‘Looks like someone’s keeping secrets,’ she says loudly and cattily.
‘Maybe I’m not the only one with a secret,’ I say quietly back, out of Sean’s earshot. ‘Just when were you planning to tell Sean about your deal with Henri?’ We hold each other’s glare. I pull away and slip off to my room and push the letter into the drawer by my bed. There is no way I can face whatever it is that Brian has to say right now. I don’t want to think about it. My cheeks burn with humiliation. I don’t need to be reminded of what a fool I feel.
Even in such a small cottage it’s amazing how Sean and I manage to avoid each other for the next week. Sean has taken over the farmers’ markets again and is back giving lessons at the sailing school. He says it frees me up to get the Pearl Queen night ready with Margaret, but I think he just doesn’t want to be anywhere near me.
