‘But you keep going at it?’
‘Some things are worth the risk.’
‘Like your oyster farm,’ I manage to smile and he smiles back.
‘Exactly.’
We slip into silence, neither of us knowing what to do next. Then Sean puts down his pint and leans forwards towards me. He looks straight at me, his face very serious. It makes me nervous when he does that. I feel he can readmy every thought and I don’t want him to read that I’m finding him more and more attractive. Because the last thing I want is to ever risk my heart again.
‘It meant a lot that you gave me that ring,’ he says.
‘What? The one worth two pounds fifty?’ I’m twisting my glass now.
‘You were prepared to give me everything you had.’ He puts his hand over mine to stop me twisting the glass.
‘Look, I was responsible for wrecking the place you love,’ I say. ‘I couldn’t run away from that.’
‘You’re a very honest person. You’re a good person. And I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it about you being incompetent. Anyone who can work like you did when they’re terrified of water has got to be pretty brave in my book.’ He lets go of my hand and takes another sip. The creamy foam sticks to his top lip and he sucks at it.
‘So, Brian … he was your …? I mean …’ He seems embarrassed to ask, but as Margaret has the whole story, there can’t be any harm in telling Sean.
‘I was married. Well, sort of married. He couldn’t go through with it. Problem was, he realised that justafterwe signed the register and before the photos. I thought I had everything, the real deal, and it was all fake, just like the ring. That’s it. For me, it’s over now.’ And it is. I shrug and am surprised at how comfortable I feel saying those words. No tears now, the anger diffusing. ‘I may not forget it, but I would like to forgive him.’
There’s a lull while we both consider the desperate place we’re in.
‘Can I come back and work for you?’ I ask.
He sits up straight. ‘Really?’
‘I made the mess. I want to try and help put it right.’
‘I’m not sure I’ll have the money to do that, or to pay you.’ He slumps again.
‘It doesn’t matter. Let me try and think of a way,’ I say,desperate to make it up to him still.
‘Look, I’m not very good at …’ He clears his throat, ‘… trusting people.’ He clears it again. ‘Had my heart broken when I came out of prison. The girl I thought I’d marry … Anyway. I came here to look after my uncle.’
‘Oh God, I’m so sorry.’
‘But I think I could trust you. So, maybe there is a way still … if you really do want to stay and help?’
‘I do.’ I hold my glass tightly.
‘Drink up then. Let’s get this over and done with.’
I’m confused but feel a little shiver of excitement.
Outside the pub he lights a cigarette, takes a long drag, and then pulls out his phone. He smokes while he’s talking.
‘Yes, I heard about you through Nancy Dubois … she’s my partner. You’ve helped out other farmers like me.’
He listens, turning away from me.
‘No, no, no need to come to me. I’m in town. I’ll meet you.’
He listens again. His cheek twitches as his jaws grind against each other.
‘I’ll be there in fifteen minutes,’ and he slaps the phone cover shut.
