I inch toward Ellie, and she steps back until her knees hit her bed and I’m standing directly in front of her. “I think you refuse to call him that because it helps absolve you of the guilt you feel for crushing on him.”
Her eyes pop, soft cheeks tinting pink. “I do not?—”
“Who’s lying now, Ells?”
Her mouth clamps shut, and I want to feel triumphant, but then she casts her eyes to the floor and defeatedly says, “So you could tell I felt something for him, and you decided to fuck him anyway?” Guilt and trepidation coat my insides as Ellie lifts her head, and those green eyes strip me bare, imprinting my skin with her betrayal. “After what my mother and Bodhi…” She trails off, her own throat full of the emotion she doesn’t want to show.
“Ellie, no.” I grab her face with both hands, tilting her head upward. She’s shorter than I am, so I have to force her eyes to mine. They’re brimming with unshed tears. “I didn’t realize it atfirst. I was eclipsed by my own feelings, I think. It wasn’t until you started becoming so distant with me. How did you find out?”
She shudders, but the trembling in her limbs doesn’tfeellike anger or rage. It feels like…shame? Embarrassment?
“I saw…” She closes her eyes, swallowing hard. “I saw you two…”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask, moving closer to her.
Ellie stumbles, falling to sit on the edge of her bed as I lower to my knees between her legs. I let my hands fall atop hers where they rest in her lap, studying her face as she stares at our entwined fingers.
“Because I…” She trails off, shaking her head. “I don’t know.”
“Can you be honest with me if I ask you a direct question?” I probe.
She nods, still refusing to look at me.
“How did seeing me and Hudson together make you feel?” I ask. “Angry? Jealous?” I tuck a strand of hair in front of her face behind her ear. “Or did it turn you on?”
She sucks in a breath, and I watch her chest go from shallow and timid to rapid and raging. She doesn’t answer me, but when her gaze finally lifts to mine, I see the truth blazing within her emerald irises.
“Is it because you sawmewith him, because you saw mewithhim, or because you saw me withhim?”
Finally, she whispers, “Can the answer be all of the above?”
“God, I hope so.” I keep my hand on her face, tilting it as I move mine closer. I think she’s stopped breathing entirely when my lips hover over hers. “Can you let me try something, Ellie?”
Her eyes are the size of saucers, lust-blown pupils taking up their entirety as she stares through me, pouty lips parted in anticipation. All she offers is a shallow nod.
I slide my hand behind the nape of her neck, letting my fingers twist in her hair to hold her steady—or maybe it’s to holdmyself steady, because I’m about to smash the boundaries of our friendship into fragments. Moving slowly, giving her time to change her mind, I watch as her eyes flutter closed, and when my mouth lands on hers, she accepts it eagerly.
The moment our lips meet, Ellie moans, and I swear to God, I’ve never tasted something quite so sweet. What I expect to be a timid and careful kiss quickly erupts into something fierce and fervent, like the moment that unlocked a new side of her neither of us has ever seen.
She surges forward, hands gripping the back of my head as her mouth claims mine. It’s hungry and powerful—wild like I’ve never known her to be before—and heat floods my core at the feel of it. Her tongue slides against mine, tasting and owning every inch of me, forcing whimpers from my lips she can’t help but match.
“I touched myself,” she says on a rapid exhale, the words floating directly into my mouth.
“What?” I ask, pausing—panting.
She blinks as I pull away, looking passion-dazed and suddenly unsure of herself. “I… Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Tell me, Ellie. Please.”
She swallows, and I know she wants to look away, but I keep my grip on the back of her neck, not allowing her to move. “I saw him…going down on you, and I…”
“You touched yourself while you watched us?”
My heart gallops in my chest, and I imagine the neighbors next door can hear its pounding. Ellie’s been my best friend since I met her at orientation before freshman year, and while I’ve long been aware of my bisexuality, Ellie has presented herself as nothing but straight. The attraction has been brimming beneath the surface of my skin—brief moments of longing looks and stolen touches that made me wonder if it existed deep inside her too—but I never could’ve imagined this.
“Ellie, that is…”
Her eyes screw shut, and she winces before nodding. “I know. I’m sor?—”
