Once I’ve gained the strength, I lift my head and gaze down at her. She cups my cheek, brushing her thumb over my lips, studying my mouth before pulling it to hers and kissing me again.
“I thought I said after dinner, angel.” Hudson’s deep, gruff voice startles me.
I pull back from Nat, peeking over my shoulder to find him standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed.
“Guess you’ll have to punish us, Coach,” Nat says in her signature soft and sultry tone.
“Guess so.” He raises a brow, and I know he’s fighting a smile. His lips twitch at the corners as he nods toward the stairs outside my room. “Dinner. Looks like you two are hungry.”
Still holding the back of my neck, Nat forces my head to face her again, smiling as she rasps, “Oh, I’m fucking starved.”
***
“How would you two feel about me pursuing Garrett?” Natalia asks nonchalantly from across the table, and the food I’m chewing suddenly turns to cement.
I forcibly swallow my bite of broccoli, but it feels locked in my esophagus. My eyes flash to Hudson, who is slowly lowering his fork to his plate, throat bobbing with a similarly hard gulp.
“Not like…romantically, but casually? Maybe. I thought he may be interested in…” She trails off. I’m too afraid to look at her, but the way her voice dies has me wondering if she’s reading the expression I know I can’t hide, the one I imagine to mirror Hudson’s face right now too.
“Joining us?” Hudson finishes for her.
My stomach hurts. I finally turn my gaze to Natalia, and she’s solely watching me. She takes a deep breath, shrugging, her lip between her teeth. “Like I said…casually.”
“You want to fuck him?” I ask softly.
“I want to fuck all of you at the same time,” she says confidently.
“But…why add someone new?”
I glance at Hudson, but he’s watching me too. I don’t understand why he’s so calm about this when my palms are sweating, my appetite is gone, and I can feel my pulse in my fucking feet.
I’m…jealous? Insecure, maybe.
It’s one thing to share Nat with Hudson, because I love Hudson too—though I haven’t told him that yet. Garrett Anders is fine. He’s attractive, and if I was single and bolder, I’d absolutely be open to his advances, but I feel fulfilled.
I’m terrified Natalia doesn’t.
She reaches across the table and grabs my hands, squeezing. “I don’t want to add anyone tothis. You”—she nods toward Hudson—“two make me so happy, Ells.” Nat looks to Hudson, and he nods. “Sometimes—not all the time—in the bedroom, I want…I want to try different things, and I’m just asking if you may be open to it. Only when it feels natural, and I do feel that pull toward Garrett, but we can take our time with it, until you’re comfortable. We also don’t have to do anything at all. Things can stay exactly how they are.”
She smiles at me, and I know it’s meant to be reassuring.
“You seem to be on board with this,” I say to Hudson.
He nods. “I’m open to it, and I’ve had…experiences with Garrett before, when we were younger. If it was going to be anyone, I’m most comfortable with it being him.”
“Does Garrett know about this?”
“No,” Nat says. “I want it to be natural. If it was something you’re open to, I may…plant some seeds.”
“You don’t plant seeds, kitten—you bulldoze. You’re terrible at being subtle.” Hudson laughs quietly.
Nat rolls her eyes, tsking before bringing her gaze back to me. “Can you tell me how you feel, Ells?”
“A little overwhelmed,” I admit. “A little like I’m not good enough.”
Natalia stands, rounding the table before pulling my chair back and straddling me over it, cradling my face in her hands. “You are everything, Ellie.” She drops her head, running her nose along mine. “It has nothing to do with you, I promise. It’s me and my body and my…desires. It’s just… It’s just me, butit’s not because you are not enough or because you are doing something wrong. Understand?”
Honestly, I don’t, but for her, I’ll try.
