“I didn’t have a choice.” I shrug, flexing my hands. “The Talent manifested when I was very young. It’s one of the first things I remember. I thought I was dying.”
“A little dramatic, perhaps?”
“You wouldn’t say so if you’d been able to feel it.” I smile tightly. “When it builds under my skin, it feels like fire. Like I’m burning alive. The first time it happened I was only a little kid. And then I started to be able toseeit—the life energy, I mean.”
“I don’t understand,” Cygnus murmurs.
I sigh. This has always been one of the hardest parts of my Talent to accept: the fact that no one will ever be able to understand it.
“When you or I look at the world around us, we can perceive it all with our physical senses—touch, smell, et cetera. I see more. Every living thing: every bug, every blade of grass…it has a certain energy.”
“Like an aura?”
“More like interwoven threads.” I struggle to convey what I mean. “Flesh looks to me like thousands of glowing threads in a tapestry. When I’m healing people, it’s like I can reach out and tug the threads.”
Cygnus is quiet for a while. “After I learned that I was half Elf, I wished desperately that I’d been born with magic. I wanted something I could fight back with. I saw what Rodrick was doing, and…selfishly, I think…I wanted to be able to stop him.”
“A bloodborne Talent is not a blessing,” I say, sharper than I intended. “Not in this world. Trust me, it’s more like a curse.”
Cygnus frowns. “You can save someone’s life with a thought. I wouldn’t call that a curse.”
I sigh, debating whether or not to elaborate.
“I can’t always control it,” I finally admit. “Like when I was a little girl, sometimes I’d be holding a bird, or petting a lamb, or something, and I wouldn’t mean to, but…” I splay my hands.
I expect Cygnus to show some disgust or horror, but he looks utterly calm.
Emboldened, I continue. The whole painful truth starts to spill out of me. “When I was twelve, Mother and I met this woman in the woods while she was having a baby. There was something wrong with the delivery and she needed help. But Mother was sick with a fever and weak, and the labor just went on and on, for hours….”
I squeeze my eyes shut, blocking out the images. “Mother became so desperate that she asked me to help. I tried to use my Talent, even though I was terrified….”
I hang my head, the memory swallowing me whole.
Suddenly, I’m twelve years old again, with every tactile detail as vivid as the moment I lived it.
I can taste the tears streaming down my cheeks. I can hear Mother’s hoarse voice, commanding me to make the incision. I can feel the warmth seeping over my fingers. Worst of all, I’m inhabited again by the human woman’s pain, her physical and emotional agony as the child is drawn out of her, already lifeless.
And I can never forget the dying woman’s last word—the hatred as she screams at me.
Monster.
“I killed them both,” I admit in a soft voice. “I should have been able to save them. But I was too scared and sloppy, and I lost control.” I swipe the tears away, turning so Cygnus doesn’t see the display of my shame.
Softly, Cygnus says, “You were a child. Children make mistakes. You can’t blame yourself.”
He doesn’t understand.
“My Talent isn’t like other Elves’ Talents,” I explain. “There’s something wrong with it. There’s something wrong withme.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“No! That’s just a fact! My mother’s been alive for over three hundred years, and she’s never encountered magic that behaves like mine. It’s not supposed to hurt. It’s not supposed to feel like my skin is on fire if I get too excited or scared or sad.…I’m a monster.”
“Listen to me.” Cygnus grabs my shoulders. “Your magic is agift, Lyria. It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not a monster.”
“How would you know?” I laugh bitterly.
“Because I watch you!” he snaps. “I’ve seen how you treat people. What you did for Finn, and for Daisy, and that fox…I’ve seen you risk your life to help perfect strangers. Hell, you did it for me! You can’t measure yourself byonemistake. You’re better than that.”
