“Such as calling off the hunt before it happened!” he snaps. “I sound callous. I get it. But Sebastian doesn’t have the luxury of being this dense about politics! He could have de-escalated the whole thing if he’d spoken up earlier. The right moment was after my mother’s speech. If he didn’t want to do it, he should have called it off then! But he got halfway in and couldn’t follow through, and that paints a picture our enemies can seize upon. They’re going to take that moment and use it to forward the narrative that the heir doesn’t have the stomach to lead. They’ll say Sebastian would freeze on the battlefield. His mistake will blow back on us at every level. You have no idea how hard it was for me to watch him screw this up for himself!”
“Isn’t that what you want?” I say back, my lip curling. “For Sebastian to mess it all up, so you can be king?”
“No!No, I want the whole thing done with!” Finn roars. “That’s what no one understands! Not evenyou, apparently! I don’t want to be king more than I want it to be over. The Crown, this fight, it’s been mywholelife, Lyria. My whole entire life. I didn’t have a childhood. None of us did. We were all too consumed with the question of whom he’d choose. He made us competitors, not brothers!”
Finn shakes his head fiercely. “Soyes, I wish Sebastian would just take the damn crown, and then Damien and I could get on with our lives.” He watches me, breathing hard. “I am trying, Lyria. I know that I can be shortsighted. I make stupid mistakes; I don’t always do the right thing. But Iwantto change! I don’twant to be selfish or cowardly. I want to be more like you. I can’t always see the right path ahead. That’s why Ineedyou.Please, Lyria. I’m not a villain. I need you to see that.”
Finn’s words rend my chest. His eyes are wide and pleading, begging for assurance. He looks as if my rejection would condemn him.
It’s my turn to sink into a chair. I close my eyes. Gods, I hate how much I empathize with him. Beautiful, passionate boy.
“Please,” he continues gently. “I’m sorry for what happened with Cygnus, and I’m sorry for withdrawing. If pulling away is not what you want, I won’t do it again. And I’m sorry for handling all of this so poorly.” He seems to struggle. “The truth is…I’m in new territory here. I—I didn’t expect to feel the way I do about you, because…I haven’t felt this way about anyone before. I know I’ve screwed this up, but…please. Let me make it up to you. Or at least try.”
I’m shaking, drowning in the sea of all I can’t express.
I understand Finn’s perspective. I do. I see the child behind his soldier’s veneer, the lonely soul aching to be known. I can’t accept all of him—I can’t forget who he is, or who he serves—but I can’t make myself believe that he’s a monster, either.
If I can suspend my disbelief just far enough, that impossible future slips into view. Between the blaring warnings of imminent danger, I catch glimpses of the dreamscape where we could bridge the impassable void separating us—a world where blood and birthright could be cast aside. Then all that would matter would be the gravitational pull between us, that bone-deep feeling that he was born to be mine.
Finn rises. His arms open.
It’s suddenly very clear what he wants. What heneeds. And finally, it’s the same thing I do.
It’s not wise, my more cautious self hisses.
To hell with wisdom.
I fling my arms around him.
There’s a moment of hesitation, like this isn’t what he expected. But then Finn’s arms slip around my waist, and he buries his face in my hair. He clings to me like we’re dying—like he’s aiming to crush every bone in my body.
This is not something I should be enjoying. Not after tonight, not ever. Somewhere within me, that rational voice is screaming.Finn is your enemy! He hunts Elves! He would hunt you if he knew the truth!But hell, holding him is pure ecstasy. His body is warm and solid, the shape of him achingly familiar. After years of being alone, I crave the touch even though I know I shouldn’t. Pressing my face into his chest, I breathe in his rain-soaked scent, so sweet it’s almost dizzying. I’m feverish, blazing with desire, and his damp clothes present relief. I will this moment to last for infinity. That I never have to let go.
“Sebastian’s not a coward,” I murmur, loud enough that he can hear me while I’m still pressed against him.
“No,” Finn agrees. “He’s not.”
It’s a long time before either of us pulls away. When we finally do, Finn slips his hand into mine and leads me toward the chaise. We sit. Then, with him still gripping my hand like he’s afraid of losing contact, we start talking, and stories from the last few weeks spill into the space between us.
Finn tells me about the mission he’s been sent on, and I confront him about his role in the Frumentari. He admits his complex feelings about his involvement. I hear about violence from both sides, and learn about the escalatory tactics used by the extremists of the Elven resistance. The plague starts to feel like the least of the rebellion’s iniquities. Finn soberly describes attacks conducted on human villages, including huge explosions of drakesbane meant to target as many civilians as possible. I listen soberly as he recounts the troops he’s lost and the agony of informing their families. He asks about my life in the palace,and I tell him about the East Wing and my struggles with the omnidraught and even my irritation with Sandria. I don’t mention Cygnus or the gates for obvious reasons.
After what feels like hours, Finn clears his throat. “Everyone is still filtering in from the hunt, so if I head back to my room now, there’s a decent chance I’ll be seen.”
My eyebrows rise. Finn’s never cared about impropriety before. I can hear what he’s really asking.
“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” I murmur.
He swallows. “I should probably bathe.”
We glance together toward the washroom. There’s a massive stone shower…and no door.
Heat that has nothing to do with my magic pools in my stomach.
“I could help,” I offer, feeling like a raw nerve.
Despite all my conflicting opinions of Finn, I can’t deny how every part of me aches to be closer to him. I know our days are numbered, and yet I still want to understand him fully—to slink inside his skin and see the world from his perspective. I can’t tell Finn how much I want him forever. I can just be with him now.
His smirk is an invitation in itself.
