I was right about one thing: MelialovesCygnus. He can do no wrong in her eyes. Maybe that’s part of why I give him such a wide berth. Something about watching the two of them together, thick as thieves, makes me nauseous. And I’m more than a little irritated when she starts dropping not-so-subtle hints that I should rekindle our friendship, or at least stop pretending to be asleep when he’s in the room.
It’s taken a long time to work up the nerve. If I learned anything this summer, it’s that postponing hard conversations makes everything hurt worse. So, after a meager breakfast, Dante and I wander together toward the lake.
I gaze out at Ruin as I walk through the streets, keeping a cloak drawn tight around me. The shape of the city is still unfamiliar. When Queen Soleste is in residence in her castle, a light is lit in the highest window to signal her presence. I’ve seen it flickering a few times. I can only guess what she’s doing—maybe traveling around the Midlands. My instinct is to get out of Ruin as fast as I can, but Mother says I need to train first. Verdinae is openly at war with Sontaag and Ursandor. Just as the rebels hoped, the dual fronts are weakening the empire at an astonishing speed.
These kinds of reports are some of the only lengthy interactions Melia and I share. Everything else—Finn, the prophecy, my birth mother—is unmentionable.
I find Cygnus alone. He’s formed a habit of walking along the water’s edge each morning, so I know where to look. But it takes a while to spot him, perched on a rock as large as a house. He’s got his back to Ruin, his face turned toward the void.
I climb up and sit cross-legged beside him. I shiver as we look out over the city together.
There’s no good way to cut the silence, so I just blurt it out. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.”
“Is that what’s been happening?” Cygnus looks at me sidelong.
We share smiles. Neither reaches our eyes.
“I imagine you’re wondering why,” I continue.
“I have some guesses.”
“Such as?”
“Well…” He swallows. “I imagine you’re dealing with a lot of complex emotions.”
“Correct.” My throat tightens.
“And I imagine that anything in relation to me would be the least of those concerns.”
“Not the least of them, no.”
His eyes meet mine, and I’m reminded of how striking I found them on the day that we met. Like cold fire. I wonder if he’s been thinking like I have, turning back through what we experienced together, trying to make sense of the moments between us that felt much more weighted than they should have. Our dance at midsummer. When he breathed life back into me at the lake. When he came back for me.
“Cygnus…” I start. “I just need to know something.”
“Anything.”
My heart is thundering. “Why didn’t you tell me when you realized I was the heir?”
Cygnus is quiet for a very long moment. “I thought I was wrong. I hoped I might be. The prophecy calls for someone who’s walked in two worlds. Someone with a Gods-given gift. I thought…” He shakes his head. “This is going to soundsostupid. Iknow. But I thought it might be me. At least, I wanted it to be me.”
I’m not sure what I expected to hear, but this was not it. “But you don’t have a Talent.”
“Right.” He cringes. “I said it was stupid.”
“I don’t understand.”
Cygnus sighs, struggling to explain. “You have to realize how lost I was. When I found out about who I really am, I becamesoangry and hurt, and just lonely. I wanted all that pain to mean something. So, when Ragglestaff told me about this prophecy, and it sounded like it was describing someone half-Elven, I guess I just started to daydream. The heir was supposed to have a Gods-given Talent, and I thought maybe they’d give me one if I did something to earn it. Like the first wielders. That’s why I went looking for Ruin and even tried the gates by myself. I thought I could be a hero. Iwantedto be.”
There’s so much longing and regret in his face, I almost want to reach out for him. But I keep my arms tight around me.
“And then you showed up,” he continues. “That’s part of why I acted the way I did. First, I resented you because of Finn. And then the more I got to know you, and started to put two and two together about your Talent, the clearer it became that it wasn’t going to be me. It was you.”
He pauses. It’s quiet as I stare back at him, long and hard. Cygnus’s features are different in the darkness. The lines are harsher, the highlights more pronounced. He looks beautifuland terrible, and I hate how the tremor in his lips makes my chest ache.
I can’t look at him. So I force myself to turn back to the water and the dim reflections glittering on it like the corpses of stars.
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” I start, my voice growing thick. “Not in Ruin, and not with the living. I owe you a life debt several times over, and I won’t forget that. If there’s ever a moment that you desperately need me, I will be there. But before we went through the gates, you promised me the truth. Abouteverything. And you lied.”
