“I don’t know.” Her voice came out as barely a whisper. “That’s what terrifies me. I don’t know what I want. I love you.I love you so much it scares me, but sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t breathe because I’ll never see my family and friends again. I’ll never know what happened to my life, my world. And I don’t know how to grieve the loss.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. She swiped at it angrily.
“I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to you. You’re about to ride into God knows what, and here I am falling apart about?—”
Gareth caught her hand. Pressed it against his chest, over his heart, and held it there while his other hand moved in careful signs.
Listen to me.
She looked up.
I would tear apart the world to find you a way home, if that is what you need.His signs were slow, each gesture weighted with something that made her throat ache.I have gold. I have connections. If such magic exists, I will find it.
“Gareth—”
I want you to be happy, Elodie.His eyes burned into hers.Even if happy means leaving me. Even if it means I spend the rest of my days in a castle that will never feel like anything but a grave without you in it.
The words hit her like a physical blow. She opened her mouth to respond, but he wasn’t finished.
You gave me my voice back.He released her hand to sign with both, the gestures fierce now, urgent.Not here— He touched his scarred throat.Here. He touched his chest, over his heart.You taught me that silence does not have to mean loneliness. That words are not the only way to be heard. Whatever happens—whether you stay or go—I need you to know that.
He paused, and something cracked behind his eyes—some wall she hadn’t even realized was there.
I love you. I have loved you since you stood in a clearing in a soaking wet faerie dress. I will love you until the last breath leaves my body, and probably after. And if that love means letting you go?—
His hands faltered. Dropped to his sides.
When he looked at her again, his expression was open in a way she’d never seen—raw, vulnerable, stripped of every defense he’d built in three years of silence.
Then I will let you go.
Elodie couldn’t speak. Couldn’t sign. Could barely breathe around the thing breaking open in her chest.
She stepped toward him—and he stepped back. His jaw was tight, his breath unsteady, and his hands, those eloquent hands that spoke for him, trembled at his sides as if it took everything he had not to reach for her.
Not tonight.His signs were gentle but firm.You need to think. To be certain. I will not have you make a choice in a moment of—He searched for the word.Emotion. When I return, we will speak of this again. If you decide you want to stay, I will spend the rest of my life making you glad of it. And if you decide you want to go?—
His shoulders were rigid.
Then I will help you find a way. Whatever it costs me.
He walked toward the stairs.
“Gareth, wait?—”
He paused but didn’t turn around.
When I return,he signed over his shoulder.We will finish this.
Then he was gone, his footsteps fading into the darkness, and Elodie stood alone on the battlements with the taste of salt on her lips and an ache in her chest that felt like it might never heal.
The stars wheeled overhead, indifferent to her pain. Somewhere on the moors, an owl called—a lonely sound that echoed off the stones and disappeared into nothing.
CHAPTER 22
Elodie had been counting the days without quite realising it. Watching autumn deepen across the moors, marking the shorter evenings, noting how the last apples had been harvested and the orchards now stood bare against grey skies. Nearly half a year since she’d tumbled out of the sky, away from fish and chips, the Tube, and hot showers. Soon the bonfires would blaze on the hilltops, and she’d watch medieval villagers leap the flames and leave offerings for the dead, a world away from the May Day party she’d attended a lifetime ago.
The gates of Greywatch had barely closed behind Gareth’s riding party when Elodie felt the first prickle of unease crawl up her spine. She stood on the battlements watching until the torchlight disappeared into the darkness of the moors, until even the sound of hoofbeats faded to nothing. The meeting with the neighbouring lords was necessary, coordinating defences against Alaric’s raiders required alliance and action, but she hated watching him ride away. Hated the hollow feeling that settled in her chest every time he passed beyond her sight.
