I sent Benjie a look that I hoped was at the same time dignified and imploring, cast a last glance at Peter, then left in search of Cooper.
Dusk was beginning to settle over the coast, bringing with it an increase in the wind and the cold.When I didn’t immediately see Cooper on the pier, I huddled more deeply into my coat and headed down Main Street.At the very end, I worked my way down a twisting path that opened onto a small cluster of rocks.Cooper was squatting on one of the larger rocks, tossing pebbles into the frothing sea.
I continued on down until I stood close behind him.Without turning, he knew I’d come.No doubt he’d been expecting me.
His voice rose above the tumult of the tides.“It won’t work, Jill.You can talk until you’re blue in the face, but I’m not changing my mind.I don’t want Benjie involved, and that’s that.The issue is closed.”
I opened my mouth to launch into my arguments anyway, then closed it again and rethought what I wanted to say.Cooper glanced at me.Pressing my fists deep into my pockets, I came down on my haunches by his side so I wouldn’t have to shout.
“Tell me about her, Cooper.Tell me what she was like.”
He shot me another glance, this time in mild surprise.Then he tossed a few more pebbles into the sea, and just when I was beginning to wonder whether he’d answer, he began to speak quietly.“She was beautiful.Tall, blond, curvy in all the right places.The first time I saw her, I felt like I’d been hit.Knocked the air right out of me.”
I certainly knew what that was like, but I’d never imagined Cooper being susceptible to lightning like that.“Love at first sight?”
He shrugged.“I was just a kid.The only girls I’d known were the ones around here, and they weren’t satisfying me when I needed it.”He took a breath.“She was younger than me, but more experienced.One night with her, and I was hooked.”
I wanted to ask why he hadn’t married her and kept her here, but I already knew the answer.Cyrill wasn’t slowing down for anyone.“How long did it go on?”
“We were together the whole time she was here.I followed her a couple of other places.Then she went to New York.She was always straight about that.She told me she’d never marry me.She didn’t want the boonies, and she didn’t want me, but she had my baby, and I wanted him.He was a little bit of her.”
He was a lot of her, I was thinking sadly.“Have you seen her since Benjie was born?”
He shook his head.
“Did you try?”
Again he shook his head.He tossed anotherpebble into the surf, then said in a voice so small that I nearly missed it, “I was afraid.”
“That she’d turn you away?”
After a bit he shrugged.“She knows where I am.She knows I’d take her if she just said the word.”
That was what was so hard for me to understand.The Cooper I’d known, respected, loved was an independent and pragmatic man.I had trouble conceiving of his being a slave to a woman, particularly one who wasn’t worthy of him.“You’d do that, even after all this time?”
He pushed out his lips, thought a minute, nodded.“I still dream about her.”
I could bet she was the one on his mind when he slaked his physical needs on other women.“Do you still love her?”
He took up another pebble, rubbed it against the larger rock for a minute before tossing it away.“Yes, I still love her,” he admitted angrily.“And don’t ask me to explain it.But there’s a certain feeling.It comes every time I think of her.Call it an obsession if you want, I’m sure it’s that, but I can’t stop it.”
He tossed his pebbles with greater passion.I wondered whether he got relief doing that and contemplated trying it out.I was feeling very frustrated.
“Tell me what it’s like, Cooper.Tell me what it’s like to love someone so much that you’d sacrifice your entire future for her.”
He cast me a sharp sidelong glance.“I don’thave to tell you.You’re the expert on the subject.”
My heart skipped a beat.“What do you mean?”
“You and Adam.You’re sacrificing your future for him.”
“I am not.”
“You are, and he’s not even around to see.At least in my case I’ll know that Cyrill is free because of what I’ve done.”
“That doesn’t makesense.”
“It does to me, and that’s all that counts.”
