I took a breath and opened my mouth, then shut it without saying a thing.I should have known Swansy would cut right to the heart of the matter.
“What am I going to do?”I wailed softly.
“What do you want to do?”
“Turn back the clock and make things the way they were before.”
“Would you feel like a total woman then?”
“I was happy then.”
“You didn’t know what you were missing.”
“I knew what I was missing.I just didn’t want it.”
But she was shaking her head.“You didn’t know.You hadn’t met him then.Sorry, girl.Even if you could turn back the clock, you’re a different woman now.Nothin’s ever goin’ to be the same.”
I stared at her hard, hoping she could feel it.“What kind of friend are you?I came here for comfort.”
Back and forth she rocked.“You came here for me to tell you that what you did with that man in New York was all right, and I’m sayin’ it was.”
“That’s justit.Itwasall right in New York.I was a different person there.But now he’s coming here, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it.”
“You will.”
“I won’t.This is Adam’s turf.”
“Hogwash!”Swansy muttered, suddenly impatient.She stopped rocking, and without the creak of the runners on the floor, the room seemed starkly quiet, a perfect foil for her high, wavering voice.“It was always more your turf than Adam’s.Face it, girl.Right from the start, you were the one who fit in here, not Adam.”
“But this was where he lived.This was wherewelived.This town, that little house on the bluff are all part of my life with Adam.”
Swansy sighed.“Know somethin’, girl?”
“No.What?”
“If Adam hadn’t died, you’d never have stayed together.”
“Swansy!”
“It’s true.So you can set this place up in your mind as a shrine, but if he was alive, he’d have left.”
“But … but he loved me,” I argued in a small voice.
“I’m sure he did, but he wasn’t as strong as you.He’d’ve stuck with the fishin’ as long as he could, then he’d’ve made you choose between this place and him.I’m guessin’ you’d’ve chosen this place, so don’t talk about it being Adam’s turf.”
I was feeling a little defeated.“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.I see that y’ve lived here alone for double the time you lived here with Adam.I see that y’re on the other side of thirty and still sleepin’ in an empty bed.And I see that if you keep on the way y’are, y’ll find yourself an old lady like me with no one to leave her house to when she dies.”
I glared at her, then grumbled, “You see an awful lot, for a blind lady.”
“When the Good Lord took my sight, He gave me something in its stead.”
“Yeah.A sharp tongue.”
“Better a sharp tongue than a deaf ear.I ain’t got no deaf ear.I hear what you’re saying, and what you’re not saying, and if you’re coming to me for advice, then that’s what I’m givin’ you.”
“I don’t like it.”
