Thrusting a handful of fingers through his hair, which fell right back down on his brow, he glanced toward the far end of the salon. Frustration was written all over his face. “How can I make you understand? You have an idea of what I want and need that’s not what I want and need at all.” He looked back at her. “You’re convinced you’d make a lousy wife, but that doesn’t make sense. Take this weekend. If we’d been married this weekend, I wouldn’t have expected any more or less from you. So why shouldn’t we be married?”
She tugged at his button. “That goes the other way, too. If this weekend was perfect, why should we change a thing?”
“Because I want bonds. I want to know you’re mine. See, I’m not perfect. I’m insecure.”
“You are not.”
“When it comes to you, I am.” With finality, he said, “I want us married.”
Leaning forward, Savannah pressed her face to his neck. He smelled so good. Even now, especially now, after a full day’s work, he was man through and through. “Oh, Jared.”
His arms went around her. “What is it you want, babe?”
“A little time. A little time to get used to us. It’s still so new. If you think you’re feeling insecure, I’m feeling ten times more so.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“But I do. For me, marriage was always something way out there in the great beyond. I never dwelled on it. Maybe I purposely avoided thinking about it, because I’m not sure I’d do it well, and if I can’t do that, maybe I don’t want to try. I’d have certain expectations of myself if I were married, far more so than if we were living together.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Maybe, but it’s so. I’ve never spent much time picturing myself as a wife. I’ve pictured myself a mother more, but even then, we’re talking dreams.”
“So dream about us.”
“Lately that’s all I do.”
Framing her face with his hands, he said in a tone that was raw and pleading, “I love you. Why won’t you believe me? You’re so positive about everything else in life. Why not about us?”
“Because,” she said with her heart in her throat, “you mean so much to me. When the optimist in me runs free, I imagine all sorts of beautiful things—us, kids, health, and happiness. Then I get nervous and I begin to think that one person can’t have it all. I have a successful career. I’m not sure I can do justice to more.”
“Youcan.You can have itall.”
She wanted to believe him. He spoke with such confidence that she almost did. Still there were fears that gnawed and nagged. In an attempt to ward off those chilly fingers of doubt, she hugged him closer.
“Agh!” he cried and went suddenly straight. He twisted an arm to his back and brought his hand out wet. “Uh… babe?”
It was a minute before Savannah realized what she’d done. Eyes wide, she looked at the empty wine glass she held at his shoulder, then at Jared. In a small voice, she said, “I forgot it was there.”
His look said, “You sure did,” as he began unbuttoning his shirt. “So,” he tried to sound casual without feeling it at all, “you want to put the wedding off just a little?”
She nodded.
“A month or two?”
She shrugged.
“But you will marry me?”
“If you still want it.”
“I’ll want it.” He peeled the shirt off first one arm, then the next. “What if you get pregnant?”
“I’m not getting pregnant so fast.”
He tossed the shirt aside. “We’re not doing anything to prevent it.”
Captivated by his chest, she spoke distractedly. “But it’s not happening.”
