“But I’ve seen it fall apart so often. Where I come from, marital rifts are more common than bliss.”
“Your parents were happy.”
“Uh-huh, and my mother died nearly twenty years ago. Who knows what would have happened if she had lived?”
Jared was taken off-guard by the thought. “Do you really wonder about that?”
“Once in a great while it crosses my mind. People are always telling me to be realistic, and the fact is that my dad is a difficult man. Maybe he would have been different if Mom had lived. Then again, maybe Mom would have had enough at some point.” She paused, desperately wishing she could make Jared understand. “So many of the people I know are on their second or third tries. I don’t think I could bear it if something happened to us.”
“Something’salreadyhappened to us,” Jared said, looking as frustrated as he sounded. Under his breath, he mumbled, “I don’t believe this,” then more loudly, “You’re saying that since we love each other so much, we don’t dare risk marriage. That doesn’t make sense! If we love each other so much, marriage isn’t a risk.”
With a breath, he then dared to voice the idea he’d clung to of late. “You need me, Savannah. You’re as independent a woman as I’ve ever met; you have financial security, a career, a home. But you need me. I saw it in your eyes that first time we met, and I’ve seen it lots of times since. It’s just a flicker sometimes, but it’s there, an intense loneliness, almost desperation. You need a soul mate, and I’m it.”
Savannah couldn’t argue with anything he’d said. Nor did it surprise her that he’d analyzed the situation so well. He was that kind of man. Still, his solution frightened her.
Sliding a hand down his shirt front, she grasped a button. “We could live together for a while, just to make sure this is what we want.”
“I don’t have to make sure. I already know.”
The warmth of his body penetrated his shirt to soothe the backs of her fingers. “That’s what you say now, but you may feel differently after a month or two.”
Slowly he shook his head. “The only way I’d feel differently would be to love you more.” His hands rose on her back. “I love you, Savannah.”
“You say that—”
“Imeanit. I know all about your career and how demanding it is. I’ve lived with it for the past few weeks, but it hasn’t mattered. We’ve made time to be together, and we’ve done it without any severe hardship on either of our parts. Am I right?”
She couldn’t deny it. “But that’s different from year after year of seeking warmth from a woman who is forever engrossed in depositions and affidavits and bills of particulars.”
Jared let a moment of silence pass. “You talk of wanting a baby. How can the woman you’ve described possibly make a good mother?”
“She can. I can. I’d do things differently if I had a baby. I’ve already told you how.”
“Then having a baby means more to you than having me?”
“No!”
“That’s how it sounds.”
“No. I don’t mean it that way. It’s just… just…”
“What, babe?” he asked more gently. “Tell me. I have to know.”
With a quick breath, she blurted it out. “You frighten me. You’re so perfect.”
“I’m not—”
“To me, you are. I always thought that if I married it would be to someone a little older and sedate, someone who was successful enough to indulge me in my career. You—you’re successful and dynamic and gorgeous. You should be with someone like Susan, someone who can devote her whole life to you.”
“No offense to your sister, but I don’t want that kind of woman. I’d feel smothered, and bored.”
“But you have needs and wants. I want to satisfy them, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to disappoint you, Jared. I’m scared that I would.”
Jared looked off to the side. “This really boggles my mind. You talk like I’m some kind of god and like you’d have to be a goddess to fill my needs.” His eyes went to hers. “I’m not a god, Savannah. I’m human. I have faults like everyone else. It takes two to make a marriage work or not work, and I’ve already blown it once before. So obviously I’m not such a joy to live with.”
“She didn’t love you like I do.”
Savannah blew his mind with that remark. It was another minute before he could speak, and then his voice was more hoarse. “I know you, Savannah. I know you’re a lawyer, and I know what time demands that puts on you. I want you in spite of all that, maybe because of it. You’re an interesting woman. Your life is never static. I’m not asking that you be a traditional wife. I don’t want a traditional wife.” He made a face. “Hell, what kind of traditional wife is going to put up with her man working all night? Or living on a boat? Not that I’m planning to live here forever, but for now it’s fine. It wouldn’t be fine for a woman who’s around all day. She’d go stir crazy.”
