She eyed him skeptically. “Most stable women don’t get the shakes when they’re all alone late at night.”
“How do you know? You don’t see them then. For all you know, they do worse. Besides, getting the shakes has nothing to do with personal stability. It has to do with high-powered people and tension that has no other outlet. Some people let it out as it happens. Some hold it in. That’s you. You’re totally together at work. The tension comes out in the shakes at night.”
Very gently, he started to ease her off him. When she tightened her thighs around his, he said, “My songs run out soon. I’d better be ready.” Setting her on her feet, he bent over to retrieve her panties and hand them to her. Standing, he adjusted his pants. Then he drew a second chair close and urged her into it. When they were sitting knee-to-knee with their hands linked, he said, “I don’t want you feeling guilty about us.”
She didn’t want to feel guilty. Lord, she didn’t. Locked into his gaze, she wanted to be guilt-free and happy forever after.
Still, she thought of Susan and most urgently of what Sam had said that day, and as inappropriate as the timing seemed, she heard herself say, “When we were growing up, Susan was the one who was big with the guys. She needed that, because I did better in school, and she needed to shine at something. She married Dirk right around the time I was graduating from law school. I’ve always wondered whether she did it to put herself one step past me. I had my career, she had marriage. Then her marriage fizzled, while my career has continued to grow.” She paused, looked down at her hands, seeming so pale against Jared’s. “I want Susan to be happy. I really do.”
“No one’s ever doubted that.”
She looked up. “Sam has. He told me so today. He wonders whether I’m deliberately not pushing Susan forward because I don’t want the competition. I’ve never looked at it that way. I’ve never been conscious of doing anything like that, but maybe it’s been a subconscious thing. I just don’t know. I’ve only pushed her as far as I thought wise. Maybe my judgment’s been clouded. Sometimes I blame things on work; I tell myself I’m so busy that I can’t be constantly looking over her shoulder—but maybe that’s an excuse to mask something else.”
“You can’t read so deeply into everything, Savannah.”
“I have to. I want to do what’s right.”
“You’ve been doing what’s right—”
“But I’m not helping Susan.”
“She’s an adult. You’ve said it yourself, and I agree. You can only do so much. She has to take command of her own life.”
“But I feel sobadlyfor her.”
Jared was working hard to understand. He rarely saw his own brother and was just as happy that way, but Savannah clearly was of a different mold in that regard. “Is she truly miserable?”
“You saw the bottle of scotch under her arm. She could be headed for real trouble if something doesn’t give. Thank goodness, Sammy seems to care. He could make the difference. I hope so. I haven’t been able to.”
Jared touched her cheek. “You can’t do everything, Savannah. If you’re a big part of Susan’s problem, it would make sense that your efforts don’t work.” He grabbed at a lock of her hair. “When am I going to meet her?”
“Soon.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re not still worried that I’ll fall for her over you, are you?”
With a sheepish smile, Savannah shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“So? I want to meet her, and Sam, and Megan.”
“I thought you wanted to keep a low profile.”
“I’m not exactly talking about going up the State House steps and shouting my way onto the front page of theJournal.”
“Word spreads. Between Susan and Megan, the grand society of greater Providence could suddenly know that Jared Snow is a gorgeous hunk of man.”
He gave a diffident smile. “Your words. They’re biased.” When Savannah shook her head, he said simply, “Maybe I’m ready to take the risk.”
But Savannah wasn’t sure she was. “I think,” she said in a smaller voice than before, “that I’d like to keep you to myself a littler longer.”
“You can have me to yourself. No one can take away what we have here or upstairs or at your place. But I want to know what your life’s about. I want to know who else is in it.” His voice went deeper. “I want to know what I’m facing.”
He said the last with an intensity in his eyes and in his voice that she hadn’t expected. Its implications took her breath away.
CHAPTER16
