She is asking me to choose her over everything else.
I have lived my life in the land of dreams, but I have never truly believed in them. She asks me to believe in the dream of our love—a dream I never imagined could exist beside the darkness of my death.
And I do.
Ibelieve.
Enough to forsake all other things on thechanceour hearts are strong enough to defeat whatever we face. So even as chaos reigns, as our kingdom goes up in smoke, I choose Willa.
Because she is the most tangible thing in the universe. She is my deepest desire, my most desperate hope. She is everything a dream is—all the terrible and beautiful.
I lower my head in deference. In love. In the hope of something better. “I’ll come with you anywhere, Darling.”
Chapter forty-nine
The small amount of magic needed to transport Niko and I to the heart of the island leaves me drained and gasping on all fours. The shadow curls around my heart, presses against my tear ducts, lashes against my ribs.More, more, more.The pressure of its hunger is unbearable, but I no longer fear losing myself to its thrall.
I have spent my life trusting my instincts to keep me safe. I lost it in the haze of self-doubt, but never again.
Niko helps me to my feet, his own weariness evident in the dark circles beneath his eyes and the snow-white color of his skin. A muscle feathers in his jaw as his death winds tightly over his abdomen, and I watch his pain with sorrow, knowing what I must ask of him. Knowing my request will only bring more.
Outside the cave, the world rages. Acrid smoke fills the air and the earth shakes, but in the mouth of the Crocodile, the only sound is the soft tick of the rising tide and our own labored breathing.
“Willa,” Niko says slowly, gazing up at my father’s barn with subtle interest. His hand is splayed over the small of my back, and his fingers tighten imperceptibly, like he’s resisting the urge to drag me out of here. “It is entirely possible we will miss the entire battle being here. There may be nothing left to save by the time we emerge.”
I bite my lip, knowing he’s right. With the odd way time passes in the Crocodile, it is impossible to tell how long we’ll be here; it could be a few minutes or it could be a few days. “I know. But it’s important.”
Niko only nods, interlacing his fingers with mine as we duck inside the barn. His eyes rake over the stained concrete where my sister once lay bleeding, before lifting to the rope where my father took his own life. He doesn’t speak, only squeezes my hand gently, and for a brief moment, I wonder what he sees. Does he see the wreckage of my heart? Or the resilience of what it survived?
When he murmurs, “I love you,” I know he sees both.
Together, we begin down the stone steps, the air growing thicker and more humid the lower we descend. When we reach the bottom, we find only darkness. There are no lights shimmering across the ceiling, nor any will-o-wisps lighting the skull rock at the center of the lake. The heart of the island feels like it’s been suffocated by the same shadow I have—like its light and magic have been snuffed out.
I paint a lantern into my hand, the small blue flame flickering cheerfully inside the glass as I raise it. It reflects over the dark expanse of the water, the surface so still, it appears solid enough to walk across.
“Well,” Niko drawls, glancing around warily. “It seems you were not the only thing being drained.”
I nod in agreement, sorrow filling my chest at the state of the heart. I’ve mourned what’s been stolen from me as a result ofmy anchoring without consideringwhyit was taken. This whole time, the island has just been trying to survive, the same as any of us.
The thought renews the vigor in my chest, and I turn to Niko. Suddenly nervous, I smooth my clammy palms over the fabric of my chest. “I brought you here because…well, because I need to ask you something.”
Niko tilts his head curiously. “Now?” He runs his onyx gaze over me in assessment, before it skips to the cavern around us. “You’ve certainly set the stage in dramatic fashion. I’m not sure whether to expect a proposal or an assassination attempt.” He grins, arching a suggestive brow. “Though assuredly, both are welcome.”
My cheeks flush, and I hit him half-heartedly in the shoulder. “I need you to be serious.”
His smile widens. “I amdeathlyserious, Darling.”
“Niko,” I admonish with a laugh. “I—” The words stall as anxiety creeps up my spine. I release a breath through my teeth, trying again. “I understand what being anchored to the island for two hundred years cost you. I—I know the pain, the feeling of being trapped, the guilt.”
Niko’s humor fades, replaced by a familiar intensity. His death swirls in the air around us, the soft light of the lantern lost in its depths. I suddenly find it easier to watch the ribbons than to meet his gaze. I loved Niko enough to send him away from his pain forever; how can I now ask the opposite?
“But I have to…well, I think the island…”
Niko cups my chin, drawing my eyes back to his. He is so beautiful, his expression earnest and open, as he says, “Whatever you need of me, Willa, I will give. Without question.”
I dig my teeth into my lip, wrapping his words around me like armor. Willing myself to believe them—to believe not only in us, but in myself. I’d told him he was worth more than whathe tithed, but I’ve never believed the same of myself. But I amworthsacrificing for. And as much as I would give him, I finally understand that I am worthy of the same.
“I want you to anchor the island.” My voice seems to echo in the air, the power of the words resounding over the water and bouncing back to us from the rock. “Withme.”
