“One of my favorites.You.”
I drop my gaze to where my fingers dig far too hard into the delicate teacup. “What is there to talk about? I’m sure Addy already told you about my magic. It’s gone, and that’s that.”
“Well…” He draws out the word in an infuriating manner, and I consider throwing the teacup at his head before suddenly remembering myself. I’m not the one who has ridiculous fits of rage;heis.
“We could start with the fact that you sent Adira away when you should be enjoying her catering to your every whim. Truly, Sam…you’re going about nearly dying all wrong.”
Heat pricks up my throat as I stare at him.
“For star’s sake, Niko, I don’t want to fucking talk about it.Anyof it.” The voice that speaks sounds nothing like my own: it is a snap of teeth, the frayed edge of a nerve. But maybe that’s who I’ve always been beneath my magic. Maybe I am horrible and impatient andangrywithout its soft caress there to temper my worst inclinations.
Niko doesn’t even blink. He only smiles cruelly. “Too bad for you, I’m going to respect your ‘want to talk about it’ just as much as you usually respect mine. Which is to say…not at all.”
I can’t even argue because he’s right. Niko has a habit of drowning in his pain, unable to see the surface. Sometimes, pulling him in the right direction against his will is the only way to save him. And while a part of me is thankful he’s here to do the same, another part fights against it.
Because though Niko does not possess Adira’s magic of reading minds, he may as well for how deftly he ferrets things out. I’ve long thought it is his pain that makes him so sensitive to the world around him—so alert to every small change in his world and the people in it.
And I don’t want to be seen—I don’t want him to catalogue changes I can’t even begin to decipher in myself.
Niko watches me, his obsidian stare heavy against the lacerations slashing over my body. Normally, I am comfortable in silence. However, this one makes me suddenly itchy, like if I scratch hard enough, I’ll be able to dislodge it.
His grin draws wider at my clear discomfort, and I roll my eyes with an irritated huff at the realization he’s using my own tactics against me. And worse, that they’re working.
“You’re a bastard,” I mutter.
“Yes,” he agrees, his death lazing about his head as he sets his empty cup on the nightstand. “You have always thought it was the pain of my power that makes me the way I am, but I was born a cruel bastard. In Letum, or on the mainland with no magic, I am the same man. Just as you are, Sam.”
Heat races to my cheeks, and my eyes snap to his. He has stripped me down to my deepest fear in a matter of minutes, and I can’t decide whether to throttle him or embrace him.
“We have traveled countless seas together. You have been by my side through the best and the worst times in my life.”
I shrug off his words, unwilling to let them wrap around me in comfort; unwilling to allow them a moment to settle the unease in my chest. It isn’t his responsibility.
“It was an honor,” I mumble into my hands.
“It wasmine,” Niko hisses fiercely enough, it pulls my gaze back to his. “Myhonor. Your presence, your friendship…is the entire reason I survived long enough to see the sun rise on this island. The only reason I made it far enough to feel Willa’s heart beating next to mine. You are the reason I survived the terrible things, and the reason I believed in the good ones that might lay beyond them.You,Sam. Not your magic. And I’m sure Adira feels the same way.”
My throat grows thick, as I work to get the words out from somewhere deep in my chest. Is it so hard to name the feelings because I cannot taste them or see them? Or is it simply because they’re my own?
“You and Adira are larger than life, Niko…and I have never minded living in your shadow because I knew what I could give. But now…” I shake my head. “There’s nothing left. I don’t even feel like myself, or know who I am to stand beside either of you.”
“We know,” Niko replies in a low voice that brooks no room for argument. I’ve heard it many times—as his friend, as his first mate, as his royal advisor—but this is the first time I’ve felt the command of it in my bones. “You have reminded us who we are every time we forgot…please allow us to do the same. You have carried all of us for so long. It is our turn.”
A long moment stretches between us, and then, eyes stinging, I nod.
Niko claps his hands together. “And star above, please let Adira back into the room before she drives everyone on the island insane. It would be the utmost cruelty to subject us to any more of it.”
Another laugh bubbles from me. Two laughs in less than ten minutes, and with each one, I feel a little more like myself.
“I’ll think about it,” I cede, downing the rest of the tea even though it’s grown cold.
“And Sam…” Niko says, his voice far quieter than it was a moment before, his posture humbled in a way it rarely is. “Thank you.”
Thank you for staying with her. Thank you for saving her.
He doesn’t need to say more, for as Niko sees to the bones of me, I have always seen to the heart of him. And I realize now, it was never my magic that allowed me to do it.
“Are you going to tell me how she is now? Or are you still building anticipation like the pompous prat you are?”
